nekked teef

yes, I've got them, as of Saturday, October 18, 2008.  That day will forever be branded in my brain...along w/ April 3, 2008, they day of my orthognatic surgery, and April 10, 2006, my first day at my first real job, and May 15, 2005, my graduation from Duke, ...August 25, 2008? my first day of law school?  maybe not.  I did want to quit everything and curl up into a fetal position and ask to be admitted to a hospital or a group home.But, as per usual, I digress...I should post the pictures of my buttery sheens right now.

The Close-up:

        And another w/ the essix retainers...

The debracification wasn't so bad.  The brackets popped off fairly easily and I didn't notice the first half of the lower coming off b/c I anticipated more pain.  But when the rings around the back molars came off, there was a slight stench...it's been 2 and a half years, my friends!!!

The part that was painful was the grinding away of the glue...my front teeth are sensitive and

 the assistant had to hold my tongue back b/c apparently it was getting in the way and my dentist was afraid of cutting it.  I still spat out blood and grit when they told me to brush....it was scary brushing w/out braces for the first time in over 2.5 yrs.

My teeth and gums hurt still when I brush them...it's been 3 days now.  Oh well...I'll learn, right?

I want to use some whitening strips, but my fr

ont teeth, especially the lower ones, are very sensitive right now.  Will it be bad?

Oh, and my panoramic and profile x-rays looked really good on the screen.  My chin's gotten longer, even w/out the genio.  They didn't print anything for me this time.  I wanna get a hold of my chart from my OS or my OD...I think they share the electronic records.

W/out my braces, my teeth look longer and the overall effect is an elongated lower face.  The surgery did a good bit, but w/ the braces, my lower face still looked a little on the small side (no complaints b/c it's 200% better than before!) but I was wondering if I should've had the genio.  In April was glad they didn't go for the genio b/c it would've been more bruises, more pain and more swelling.  But until this weekend, I started wondering if it would've been better.  Now, I'm 100% sure a genio would have bordered on over-kill.  My naked teeth makes my smile/mouth look longer, and adds to 

the longer jaw to make my face look kinda longish.  I have a very round face, or did, but it's now more oval, I think.  

...to be honest, I actually was motivated to post b/c I just had oatmeal, w/ gooey, melted cottage cheese and a small dash of blueberry kefir.  Soooo delicious!!!

So it was 1 packet of organic mixed berry oatmeal (from Costco) moistened w/ just enough milk to 

moisten all the oats, microwaved for 1 minute.  Then boiling water is added until it's softer, stirred and nuked for another minute.  Then a little more boiling water is added to a soft consistency and nuked again for a minute, in 20 second spurts...the top will be a little glossy-looking.  Then, about 3 Tbs of cottage cheese is thrown on top and stirred in...it gets all gooey like melted cheese!!!

I topped it w/ maybe a couple tablespoons of low fat blueberry kefir, and it was extra good, and cooled the mix down a bit for me to devour.  Yum!

What am I doing making oatmeal at 10:30 pm?  I'm on antibiotics again...I peed blood on Sunday night like the hour I got to my apt from the airport...and called student health.  The on-call doctor told me I needed to have my urine tested, either at the emergency room b/c it was like 9 pm or 1st thing in the morning at 8 am...I had an 8:30 am class and didn't feel like missing it (again, tho I had a legit reason this time).  So I went to the emergency room on Sunday night...the on-call doctor had to give me directions to it.  And was there pretty much all night...got home past 1 am.  I have a bladder infection...I've never had a  UTI before.  I'm on drugs that make me pee orange now, and the ER doctor prescribed some antibiotics called Nitrofurantoin-Macro.

But them bad boys didn't work so I had to go to student health again this afternoon.

Fortuitously, there were some med students who came to study in our library and one of them was in scrubs.  I had just gone to the bathroom and my lower back was killing me...so bad it took me a minute to stand up straight and walk out of the stall.  My back hurt last night as I was trying to sleep/read contracts, but I thought it was b/c I was carrying heavy things around.  The med students said that if I've developed kidney pain and a day and a half of antibiotics didn't make me feel better, then I need to go see a doctor again, soon.  They convinced me that I don't want to go to the ER again so I went to Student Health, called on my way and got an appt on an emergency basis, again.  

The nurse practicioner I saw today is sending my urine sample to get some lab work done.  Apparently the ER didn't really do that.  They noted that there was alot of white blood cells in my urine on Sunday, and the nurse today said she saw lots of bacteria in my urine today.  But then she said b/c my sample wasn't great today (I gave all I had, but it was only about half a cup of dark orange-brown stuff) if the lab thinks too much surface bacteria got in, they'll throw it out.  I'm now on Cipro and I'm going to have to see her again on Friday morning, and if things get worse, before Friday.  I hate this.  I hate going to the hospital/clinic...I hate seeing doctors, unless it's my OR or OD b/c I'm so used to them and their offices that it's not stressful at all.

In happier news:

I'm learning to use my front teeth...the upper ones don't work very well.

I'm scared I'm going to knock over my teeth when I brush...

My essix retainers (yes, I have both upper and lower) are squishy...and I'm supposed to wear them 24-7 for 3 months, then every night for the next 6 months or so...then every other night for the rest of my life.  And, I can't even drink warm water w/ them on b/c they'll melt, or anything other than cool water b/c it'll stain.  I'm not allowed to brush it.  So, I did what someone else said they were doing and bought some effervescent denture soak...but the water turns blue and I'm scared of having blue-tinted retainers.  :)  I think I talk funny w/ it on, but my friends say only some words are lispy.

AND, my grandmother moved to the States again!!!  We saw each other for the first time in like 6 yrs...it was sad having to say good bye again.  Her hand shakes now b/c she's had two brain surgeries in the past 10 yrs to drain abscess in her skull...then to replace the piping.  She also shrunk a little more.  

Here's my fav. grandmother and me, I tower over her and I'm only 5'2"...she's so funny; she said I grew taller since the last time I saw her...I told her how short and small I am compared to the rest of the world and she said it's been a source of pain all her life to be so short.  She understands me. :)

this time next week...

...I'll hopefully be in bed (most likely not) smiling in my new essix retainer with my slimy, naked teeth.  But I'll probably just be up trying to understand Contracts, possibly some UCC rule or frantically reading and trying to grasp the point of some long-winded case.  Or, trying to read legal methods, trying to make sure I have something substantive to say when I'm sitting in a class where the meaning has been lost on me.

but at least I won't be metal mouth anymore.  I'll miss my rubber bands.  I eat one every other day it seems.  I don't bother to take them out when I eat b/c I eat too often, and usually it's grosser to take them out, and I have no where to store them while I'm eating.

My jaws hurt more these days.  I think probably stress.  My skin is terrible.  It looks like I've been stung by every harmful bug on this planet and I've been left with welts and scars, and some sort of mini plough has run through my face and upturned the smoothness...all from lack of sleep and stress?  Maybe.  I also think maybe some of the chemicals from the surgery (now 6 months and 10 days since I went under) and all the extra doxycylcine hycate and morphine and ammoxcilin, tylenol w/ codene and other crap that was injected into me hasn't completely left my system.

I hope I won't need a splint after the rubber bands come off...I hope I don't ever grind my teeth anymore.  I hope I don't even clench, but I think I do.

I noticed today that I can stick my lower jaw out really far now...but I still bite down to the side instead of straight down.  Don't know what that is, but it's kinda annoying.

In good news, I started using my front teeth to bite into things.  It's still not perfect, and usually it hurts, but I'm trying it out on softer things.  I still can't eat stuff like nuts (unless it's slivered and on the icing of a cake so I can see that I'm eating it and anticipate it.  if it's inside the cake, then it gets dangerous).  I'm generally excited about loosing these brackets.  I still get sore, torn tongue sides and over-rubbed parts inside my mouth.  

Oh, a couple weeks ago, I test drove a Vespa...I have my eye on a yellow Vespa LX (I think that's the 50 cc one for which I won't need a motorcycle license in this state).  But I want to take classes before I purchase and if I'm going to take classes I might as well get the license and get the 150 cc size.  Those things are heavier than I thought and I'm so short that either I get custom seats or have to be on tippy-toes when not in motion and even then it can very well fall on me if I'm not careful.  I'm not strong enough or heavy enough to handle the weight.  But I really want a scooter.  I think I want that yellow Vespa badly, but it can't be my first.  It's too nice to ruin and I'm sure I'll drop it as a newbie.

  I also want to learn on a cheaper, smaller scooter...something like a Honda Metropolitan, which is also a 50 cc engine.  But that's still about 1.5 times my body weight (probably more) and although it's about 3 inches shorter than a Vespa, it may still be a bit heavy for me.  But then these are motorized vehicles and probably won't be any lighter.  I may start off w/ a no-name scooter that's small and light.

  A guy in my class told me where he got his and said I can probably find a small one to fit me.  We'll see.  I think maybe next semester, b/c I'm running out of funds already this semester and the weather's getting wetter and colder...which isn't really scaring me b/c winters are so mild here compared to Chicago.

In other news...law school is still whooping my butt pretty bad.  I have a 'practice exam' in torts this coming Thursday and I haven't gotten around to outlining for it.  And didn't even look at the practice question my professor passed out over a week ago.  And I still haven't visited my contracts prof and still fear nausea and possibly throwing up if I find my name up on the board to be called on in class that day.  My prof picks 2 ppl from the seating chart or roster per class and picks on those 2 throughout the entire class...and we're half way through the semester and I haven't been called on...I feel like throwing up just thinking about being called on in that class.  I was called on in every class but Contracts and Civ. Pro.

  I'm not too scared about being called on in Civ. Pro. b/c our prof is hilarious and super entertaining, and it seems like he harasses (in a good way) the guys more consistently than he does the ladies.  And, I read the horn book...and sometimes skim the case book and he talks about every point in the horn book, so I should be able to follow along...and every Friday, we get these clickers and he gives us multiple choice questions to "vote" on and go over the answers.  I'm getting better at it.  In the beginning I would get nervous and just choose a letter/number and send it w/out understanding the question or the answer choices, even though everything's anonymous.  But now I'm getting the concepts more and answering more of the questions correctly.

Oh, and the asian american law students association (hereafter, AALSA) finally got out the 1L outlines compilation and the only class I can use any of those outlines is in Civ. Pro.  Sad.  Not a single outline for my Torts, Contracts or Legal Methods classes.  My Contracts prof is new so it's natural that no one has had her, but my profs for Torts and Legal Methods are old timers here...I'm saddened.  I have to study that much harder now, and I'm a bad student.

and to procrastinate, I retook a dumb quiz on line on what kind of guy is the best fit for me...last time it was a tie btwn the gentleman and the geek.  this time, it's a sensitive guy...I don't know which really is the best fit for me.  I think I'm too eclectic for any stock answer to fit me perfectly.

...law school is killing me

and maybe my new jaws.

I used to do what my doctor called "cheating" w/ my jaw, sticking it as far out as I could to try to look normal/see if my teeth were going to come together.  And maybe stress is making me do that again.  I'm wasting energy being stressed out w/ my legal writing assignments and not understanding my casebook readings and just general 1L angst.  Despite the fact that I know that I'm doing this, I continue...and I noticed something last night.

My front teeth were hurting and I couldn't figure it out.  and I think it's stress-related.  I think I'm pushing my lower jaw forward, not b/c I need to, but b/c it's what I used to do to deal w/ stress before my surgery.  Before surgery, my front teeth never had a chance at touching so my teeth never hurt, but since almost all my teeth touch now (yipee!!!!) my lower teeth back up straight into my upper teeth and by my pushing my jaw forward, the pressure makes my teeth hurt.  I was actually a little excited at first, thinking that all of a sudden my wires got tight in my mouth and my braces were working really hard to that final push to debracification.  But no.  I'm pretty sure all my old dealing w/ stress tricks are now causing auxiliary issues now.

Great. so law school is causing damage to my spankin' new jaws.  Awesome, just awesome, isn't it?  I'm hoping really, really, really hard that I don't start grinding my teeth again b/c that'll be the worst case scenario, b/c I really don't want to go back to splints and mouth guards.

But this too, shall pass.  As will my 1L year and all of law school...in 3 years if I'm good and follow the plan.  ugh.  following plans suck.

But debrcification is cool!!!!  One more month and I'll see my buttery sheens (which will be turned back into bright bites in due time) all naked!  :)  I'll miss 'em rubber bands, but won't miss these metal clunkers.  ...okay, focus on notes and class now. :)

long hiatus...but good news!!!

Hey all!  I've been gone for a long time.  But in that time, a lot has happened and I've done many things:

1. Quit my job (July 18th was my final day)

2. Moved to Atlanta, GA (sometime around August 14th or 16th or thereabouts...drove all Thursday w/ parents and two cars full of my stuff, found an apt on Friday, signed the lease and moved in on Sat.)

3. Started law school

4. been back to Chicago for a follow-up w/ my OS and a adjustment w/ my OD

And, the good news is...no, not the law school part, although it should be great news...I LOOSE MY BRACES FOR GOOD ON OCTOBER 18th!!!!!  I set up a 9:30 am appointment w/ Dr. Kusnoto and he'll remove my braces and make me an Essix (sp?) retainer that same day so I can fly back to Atl w/ my new, clear retainer the next day.  :)  BIG SMILESSSSS!!!!  So I get to see him twice that day...once in the am, and then in the afternoon to pick up my retainer and get it fitted, etc.  Soooooo EXCITED!

And, my OS doesn't need to see me for 6 months this time!  It'll be March 2009 before I see him again...unless something happens and he'll hear from me.  And he said if the plate and screws in my lower left jaw keep on hurting and bothering me, he'll remove them.  I wonder if I should go for it...and ask for the upper left plate by my nose to be removed too.  I get slight puffiness about 3 times a week in the morning on my left cheek still.  I tend to think it's b/c of the plates that are by my nose b/c they were a cause of some concern earlier on...but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it!  B/c now, I get to be happy about progress, and I mean P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S! (trying singing Arethea's classic hit and filling in progress for respect...doesn't work)

DEBRACIFICATION will finally happen to me too!!!

  And right on schedule too.  I had asked him when I'll be done at my first or second post-surgery meeting w/ him and he had said 4 months.  And October will be 4 months.  :)  Very happy that this time my teeth are on time.  I was very stressed out about my teeth being about 6 months behind schedule when getting ready for the surgery.  And really, the only reason why he couldn't take my braces off last Thursday was b/c there's a tiny gap btwn my two lower front teeth, and he filed down whatever was between them little ones, some gritty hardness/buildup or braces glue.  AND, he doubled up my power chain so that it'll be ready for sure...he also said that even if it's not ready, the retainer will finish the job, which made me hilariously happy.  Yeah, I think I was giddy at the thought then and I'm giddy at the thought of losing these metal tracks after 2 years and 6 months (and a couple weeks, once the come off)!

  The only things I'll miss are the hooks that I loop my rubber bands around.  I'll miss those bands that help me find my bite.  I still feel a bit lost w/out them and start to dribble when I'm not paying attention or get excited in conversation.  I also spit a little more than normal during speech when I lose them bands.  But once the braces come off, no more bands for me, b/c I won't be getting those screws drilled into my gums.  I think I'd much rather take braces w/ surgical hooks than the option of screws in my gums...yeah, if I had to redo this whole thing and they said I didn't need braces, I'll still opt for them, just for the surgery and the post-op banding.

  So I am going to be aggressive about my rubber bands.  I have 2 half-used bags and 2 new bags to go though in the next 6 weeks...and I'm not going to be stingy w/ them any more.  Dr. Kusnoto, my OD, gave me 2 new bags of bands to last me for the home stretch but in all honesty, I've been depriving myself of them since I moved to Atl b/c I didn't bring that other new bag down here w/ me and I was afraid of running out.  So no more.  My teeth/jaws will get full-strength bands twice a day!  I'm scared of my jaws not knowing my new bite w/out them strong bands to help guide them shut.  But can't have naked teeth and rubber bands too, so I'm gonna suck it up and be big girl...at least I can be a big girl about losing my rubber band guides, even if I'm a whimpering kiddy at law school.

I'm so happy I can't wait!  I'm so excited that I can't write my Rule Explanation part of my closed memo, due at 9 am, sharp, tomorrow morning.  I have about 12 hours to get that written and do the dreaded Contracts reading for class....ugh...I hate being a 1L.

I'd rather go through orthognatice surgery again...I didn't even have to get up to pee in the ICU!  And that morphine pump delivered small packages of bliss amidst my delirium...and no one cared that I looked like an angry sea monster who got stung in both cheeks and lips by the world's most poisonous wasps.  I got pity and care instead...

...so yeah.  Law school's where I've descended to.  In one year, I'll be a 2L and I'll be happier, or maybe I'll have started an MBA program by then, or maybe I'll be learning aboriginal fly fishing in the straight of Gibraltar.  Who knows?  Life is full of surprises.

Oh, and boys still suck butt.  Not literally...well, maybe literally for some boys but that's an icky thought, esp. sitting in a carrel in law school library.  So back to my legal writing assignment.  I'd love to hear what you all are going through now, and how much progress you've been seeing, etc!

Ciao!

btw, I'm at 22.5 weeks and regaining some sensitivity in my upper teeth...right side is coming along better than the left.  Left half of the roof of my mouth still has little to no feeling and the left upper teeth are still like little lost boys of never-never land.  And surprisingly, the lower left quadrant of my jaw/left chin and lip are still not fully back.  I'm thinking that my other nerves are just learning to compensate for the possibly, maybe semi-permanent nerve damage.  I also tend to touch my upper front teeth w/ the tip of my tongue alot...w/out knowing why.  I really should stop procrastinating....:)

whoa! almost week 14!

it's been 3 months...on July 3rd. Amazing how time flies, and I think I'm about 95% back to my normal activities and energy levels. Totally psyched! I skip and run and hop around the office on occasion again. (maybe to some others' dismay)

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend! Even if you're not in the US of A, hope you had a fantastic weekend. The weather in Chicago was a little chilly on the 3rd, pleasant on the 4th, absolutely heavenly on the 5th and can't remember the 6th. :)
I skipped the Taste of Chicago again this year. I probably wouldn't have been able to eat anything anyways...even my usual bag of bing cherries from the Dominick's tent. Maybe some other year. I was so close the whole time! I could look out the south windows of the office and look down at the Taste, and was in Millennium Park on Sat. but we decided to get Jamba Juice and watch Kung Fu Panda. FUN!

I don't have much to report, other than that I jump and skip and run now. I was never a good runner so that's not coming easily, but ballet has been fun, tho surprisingly, the turns are harder to get back into. Something about not being able to spot and being deathly afraid of getting dizzy for fear of falling is keeping me back more than usual. The jumps aren't as intimidating, surprisingly enough, but I also try to land very carefully through the toe-ball-heel motion as to kill any jarring up my knees and head. I also keep my tongue between my teeth to cushion and hard landings. So overall, my jumps are better b/c I'm so careful not to hurt myself.
I'm also eating ground meat and over-boiled veggie soups. Still no chicken or steak or slabs of meat or crisp veggies. It's been nearly 14 weeks! It'll be week 14 tomorrow. So overall nutrition consumption is getting better...however, in a TMI sorta way, bowel movements are not doing so awesome. I think the lack of fiber is attributing. I always forget to supplement my fiber w/ powders. It's not that I'm not regular, it's more that it's painful coming out and even difficult...and it's a lot less than what it was before, even since the surgery.
The odd part is that I'm not exactly ballooning back to my pre-surgery weight as I had expected I would once I can start ordering off restaurant menus (stuff like Shepard's pie and grilled fish w/ rice or soft rolls are what I go for). I think I gained some mass but the poundage is still hovering around the -10 lbs mark. Maybe I had lost more than 10 lbs and I was just in denial...and actually gained some back and now can read the scale more accurately so think I'm the same. I'm scared of gaining everything back. I want to loose an extra 10 lbs from now, and I think by now it's safe if I do loose some. But since I'm only 5'2", I may have to take it slow...like do it over 4 months instead of 2.
I lost my butt and I'm not happy about that. I don't know how to get it back, other than gain tons of weight but that would make me look fat and the rest of my body will also gain weight. I don't think I can keep up w/ stuff like lunges b/c I'm not a huge "exercise" person. Which is why I dance, b/c I enjoy it and it improves my posture and loosens my tight back/neck. And dancing increases my understanding of the human physiology in an organic way and helps me to appreciate the arts. The exercise is like a plus side to it...but anyways, yeah.

I'm getting ready to move down to Atlanta in August. For law school!!! I'm also on the wait-list at a school here in Chicago, which would be nice if I could get in, but it's a less fun school. On the other hand, law school is more about learning and getting ahead in that specific field than about fun, unlike undergrad, where fun/networking/friendships/social was just as important as academic pursuits and development towards a career or field. So keep your fingers crossed for me and remember me in your prayers, everyone!
As part of going away to law school, I will be quitting my job. I tendered my official letter of resignation from my first-ever real job on Thurs, July 3rd. They knew I was quitting and even knew the date, but asked for an official letter so I wrote one in about 5 mins and submitted it before heading out to the long weekend. I will miss this firm and the ppl and the contacts and the regularity...even though the regularity is fastly becoming tedium for me in recent months. July 18, 2008 is my last day here. Wow...it would have been 2 years, 3 months and 1 week (8 days, but a week is close enough) since my start date, which is a week after I got my braces to start this orthognathic correction process. I'm happy it all happened, tho I would've enjoyed more of a bohemian lifestyle for those right-after-college years. I'm glad I got to see that I'll survive the corporate world, and maybe even come out of it w/ my initial crazy spirit intact.

So that's my update. I still want to find more no-chew recipes. One of my very good friends is gonna have her tonsils removed in early August and she was told that she'll be off solids for 2 weeks!!! So I fully intend on giving her some tips on liquid foods...I'm almost an expert now, right? hahaha....


....my lower left jaw hurts right now. Like right where the metal plates are. The right side doesn't hurt at all. Making me a little concerned. It feels a little harder/larger and a bit warmer than the other side. Argg....my metal plates haven't hurt much for the past week and now this is making me nervous.

gastronomic updates

Back a while ago, when I could barely swallow the mush that made it into my mouth, I loved yogurt w/ mashed bananas and yogurt w/ applesauce…both w/ cinnamon or nutmeg or pumpkin pie spice. Well, I’ve moved up in the chewability scale and I’m living the hard, rough-and-tumble life of cottage cheese. Yes! I can now eat cottage cheese! I remember when it was like grating sand against my palate, but I’m making myself actually “chew” and it’s been a good week. I’ve chewed cottage cheese, and tho most still end up in my braces or hidden under the brackets against the sides of my molars, it feels good…like I’m eating again! That said, I think I’m beginning to regain some weight…I don’t want to. I want to loose more, to be honest, but not in the unhealthy post-major-operation way. I wanted to loose about 10 lbs more (believe it or not, I’ll still be w/in a healthy/medically acceptable BMI range).
And I’ve been feeling lots more energy…still a tad bit down from before, but I’m working on it. This week I’m def. gonna force myself to do more exercise. I do have 9 dance classes I’ve paid for at the Lou Conte dance studio home of (Hubbard Street Dance) and I’m determined to take at least 2 classes per week! I also want to squeeze in regular floor barre classes at Giordano Dance Center, I miss Fury Gold and the ladies I’ve taken class w/ for the past 2+ years. Maybe w/ more exercise I’ll feel more energetic and less…‘buggy’…don’t ask me what I mean.
I continue to have digestion issues b/c I’m impatient and just swallow food I can’t chew. It can’t be good and I def. feel ill alot after such meals. But I’m such a little bugger.

I cooked today! I finally made the minestrone that my friend passed on as her mom’s recipe. It was supposed to be a veggie-only soup but it called for a veggie stock cube and I didn’t want to use anything w/ MSG or artificial flavoring so I used 3/8th lb of lean ground turkey to help flavor the soup. It turned out to be more of a veggie-heavy stew. Here’s the original recipe my friend Jessica L. sent me:
2 tbs extra virgin olive oil
1 large stick of celery1 leek (use only the white part)2 carrots2 large potatoes1 lb. fresh green beans
2 zucchini1 vegetable stock cube (available in the Hispanic section of grocery stores)Heat the oil in a large pot. As it is heating up (keep it at medium heat), cut the fresh vegetables in roughly 1 inch pieces in this order and add each ingredient to the pot as soon as you are finished cutting: celery, leek, carrots, potatoes, green beans, zucchini. Stir in between veggie additions. Add the stock cube and enough water to just cover the vegetables completely. Let it simmer until the potatoes are tender. Salt and pepper to taste. Then just blend it and eat!
But I sautéed a little over a quarter pound of lean ground turkey in the olive oil and b/c I had no celery, I dumped in the remainder of my legendary beans-and-grains veggie sludge slow-cooked for days. [I think I figured out why it was so difficult to eat to begin with. It’s too heavy with the aromatics—onions, garlic, celery, carrots—it’s the best explanation I’ve come up w/ so far…the others were that it was brown and mushy, and it was too much root-vegetables.] I then chopped the pre-prepped veggies into about 1-cm pieces/cubes instead of the recommended inch-pieces. And I took my sweet time w/ it all so things cooked down while I chopped and added and stirred. I also added about 1/5th of a head of cabbage that was drying out in the vegetable box in the fridge. After I covered the veggies w/ water, I turned up the heat and walked away…and returned to stir every 10 mins for about an hour until I was sure all the veggies were mushy. It smelled pretty good. I made my brother eat a bowl.
I decided to freeze a couple quart-sized freezer bags of it. I added a cube of Korean curry-block to half the soup, not enough to be like a thick curry served on rice but just enough for a good, curry-spice flavor. Before it was a hearty and clean-tasting stew and now I have a bag of curry soup and a bag of what I’m calling Vegetarian Minestrone w/ (Ground) Turkey. I can’t possibly eat a large pot of stew by myself so the freezer will help me bring it back in a few weeks. I pureed a bit of the soup pre-curry, and it was good. But I think it can be “chewed” b/c all the veggies were cooked down so much. I’m still happy w/ the results. I learned that meat adds flavor as does oils/fats and cooking ingredients in certain orders adds/alters flavors too.
So now there’s mashed bananas w/ cottage cheese, papaya w/ cottage cheese, applesauce w/ cottage cheese and even oatmeal or cream of wheat w/ cottage cheese!

I also had ETHIOPIAN at Demera in Uptown, and I couldn’t eat the drumstick in the doro wot, but had bits of the egg and had some special kitfo (well-done, w/ home-made cottage cheese) even though it was hard to eat. The injera tasted so good and the texture was great and perfect for me! I also had my fill of kik alicha and tikkel gomen. I didn’t get any misir wot…b/c we chose a 2-veggie and 2-meat combo thing. I liked Demera, but I don’t know if it’s better than Queen of Sheba. I have to give it another go w/ more ppl and order more food when I can have some tibs.
That’s my gastronomic update.

Quarter-Century Lived

Hey all,
I feel old. Quarter-century old, to be exact. Yeah. Thought I'd say something but words escape me. Wow, what a rarity. But worry naught, verbiage will visit me again soon.
I wanted to go down to the farmer's market in our building's plaza today to buy some eucalyptus for my new office to mask the icky new varnish smell from the new furniture, but I was literally slammed w/ too much work today. Yesterday I was blowing imaginary bubbles and trying hard to look busy and today I didn't sit for 10 minutes in silence. I was constantly asked to come look at something, called on to update the progress of projects and start new indicies and given advice on future choices. Wow, it's been a full day at work. But I don't even have a slice of cake or a scoop of ice cream to welcome me into the second quarter century. I've been given a few cards...including the mandatory birthday card from the Chicago office head, P. Suse...and several dozen facebook wall scribbles and messages and e-mails.
I have to go to a DCC meeting after work...they may want to buy me a drink at the bar we'll go to post-meeting. But I sorta want to go to my first movie night at the residence of some boy I do not know yet, but I know other regulars of the movie nights and I'll go meet the host boy and see my dear friends. I hope this isn't an omen about how my life is going to be for the next 25 years...full of busy work and unmanageable and unpredictable projects. I hope it'll be more fun and relaxing than the first 25 years have been...at least I'll have functional teeth and jaws to work with!
I was not planning on really celebrating my birthday this year b/c I thought back, and in the past it's always over some great food. And since I can't really eat, there's no point...but at the request of some friends, I'm planning my own b-day dinner. I want Ethiopian, and I want a bunch of my gals to come together...I haven't restricted it as a girls' night yet, but I may. I don't know of any guys interested in coming to my b-day dinner anyways. And Tigist says she knows of a new place that's even better than the Queen of Sheba and I'm eager to try it out! :) And hopefully they'll roast some coffee beans when we're done and let us waft the aroma and drink mini tasses of sweet Ethiopian coffee.
That's my wish. I asked my parents to take me to Sweet Tomatoes for my birthday and my mom refused. She said, "and pay for a buffet when you're going to drink broth and can't touch any of the salads?" I retorted, "I'll eat the soupy parts of the soups and some of the breads and some of the pastas!" And my dad chimed in, "you can go have the frozen yogurt." Then he digressed to new Red Mango locations opening around Chicago and the suburbs. I want to go try it out...I just want some cake and ice cream. It's my birthday, afterall.
-Grace

Taco Mash

I was told by my college dormmate friend, Lindsay, that she ate this thing she called "Taco Mash" alot after her jaw surgeries. And for the last week, I felt I was well enough to move on to this cullinary delight and other such soft foods, so I was planning on buying a taco or two and dumping the contents out on to a plate and mashing everything up w/ the refried beans. But whaddaya kno? Our office had a staff appreciation lunch today...TACOS! So I had my taco mash, for the first time, and I wanted to eat another huge plate. It was that good.

My Taco Mash started off with one soft tortilla at the bottom of the plate (I can't eat it, but I love flour tortillas and chapatis and other foods like that). I topped that w/ a couple serving-spoonfuls of refried beans (the consistency is very similar to very soft mashed potatoes, my vehicle for eating minced food), some seasoned ground beef and some of that saucy liquid (I picked out the carrots and peppers in there), spanish rice (also minus the veggie additives), a generous sprinkling of grated queso fresco, a scoopful of salsa and even a bit of shredded lettuce! I had to use my knife to mince the lettuce some more, but it was sooooo good!!

This is what it was, sorta, minus the taco shell/bowl, sour cream and guac...and I had queso fresco instead of the shredded cheddar-looking cheese and pretty smooth salsa instead of the chunks of tomatos.

I was looking for some pictures of taco insides on google and started watching youtube videos on how to make a taco salad...and noticed that I didn't get avocados or sour cream as a choice for my taco mash.

I have a couple avocados sitting at home, so I guess I can try a taco mash at home if I get adventurous enough to grocery shop and cook this weekend! I'm not a huge fan of sour cream to begin w/ so I didn't really miss that, but avocados, I like. And since the surgery, I've single-handedly consumed at least 4 avocados on my own...all w/in the first 8 or 9 weeks. That's more avocados crammed in any 2 months of my life! And I think I wanna try ground turkey instead of beef. :)

...I a thin wire holding the main wire and hooks to my brackets unravelled inside my left cheek, on the upper teeth and hurt me all day until I went in for my 6:45 pm emergency ortho appt. Well, I think I was squeezed in at the end of the day b/c they couldn't see me any other time. Well, my orthodontis, Dr. Kusnoto wasn't there b/c his wife's water broke and he went on paternity leave. So a colleague of his saw me instead, she was really nice and looked young for a professor, but she found some loose hooks and tightened them for me when she replaced the thin, loose wire. I wasn't seen until like 7:30 pm b/c I think she had to take over all of my dr's patients as well as her own so they had to stay late, but thing are fixed in my mouth!

It's 11 weeks post-op and my surgeon, Dr. Heffez, allowed me to return to normal physical activities, such as dancing and jumping and running...but I think I'll have to watch it b/c my mouth still hurts alot, and downward dog, which I attempted last Sat. during basic ballet warm up, was stressful on my sinuses, mouth and overall head. So...we'll see what happens this weekend!

Follow ups galore

My teeth hurt in new and different ways. I'm back to drooling and spewing when attempting speech. My speech sounds like I'm newly acquiring some obscure Bostonian accent...or regressing into baby-talk.

On Monday I met w/ my OS, who is set on quelling my fears about my metal plates. He tried to wiggle my upper jaw while pressing on the plates (in the places that I said was hurting) and he said everything needs to stay where they are right now. So a small sigh of relief...I half wanted the plates removed b/c of the pain and noises but really didn't want another operation and really, really didn't want stitches in my mouth again so soon.
...I was slightly surprised when he said I didn't have plates in my lower jaw when I said I only have dull pain there but not any specifically pokey pains or sounds. He then pulled up my x-rays and corrected himself. It's been nearly 11 weeks, and he's busy, but how does he forget? I haven't forgotten b/c it's my own mouth, it hasn't been that long and I live w/ my jaws everyday. But anyways...
He moved my elastics to hook in the same places by my canines on top and way back to the last bracket on the bottom. I drooled alot yesterday but overall felt pretty good, minus the back teeth. By moving the elastics back, I could fit a spoon in my mouth and I felt like I could open my mouth w/ more ease.

But...I went to see my OD for the first time since the surgery, and the elastics moved again. Dr. Heffez said on Monday that if Dr. Kusnoto moves my elastics again, that'll be okay.
In December, he had moved his practice to a new facility. I didn't see him at his private practice since late last November when I was deemed ready for surgery, but insurance took so long and then the OR schedules were so screwy and unreliable that I didn't have my surgery until April. And it's been almost 11 weeks since my surgery and now it's June and I had to fumble my way to the new office in a neighborhood of Chicago I don't think I've ever been. The facility was pretty awesome, w/ portable/rolling dentist's platforms w/ computers at each examination chair, some partially walled-in places for more private consultations and surgeries and a large, clean reception area. I was impressed.
I arrived a bit early and was seen before my appointed 5:30 pm after a short wait. Dr. Kusnoto had more assistants and even a separate front desk girl/lady. His assistant, Beth (Huibi) was glad to see me as was I, and it seemed like she was now managing the place instead of doing the chair-side work for him.
I had my power chain replaced, it hurt coming off and going on. I don't think my OD has different colors, just different strengths in the same greyish-whitish-clearish color. He did something else to my upper front brackets, maybe replace some rings, but they have thin wires holding everything together. I don't know....
In any case, he moved my elastics again. The top positions are essentially the same, on the upper canines, except that on the left side he has the elastic on two hooks instead of one. On the bottom the elastics hook on to the last bracket on each side and forward to the lower canines. I'll take pictures soon. They're larger triangles and he says it'll only take about 4 months for all the spaces to close up and my teeth to come together! I'm really stoked about that...I was expecting 8-10 months. But I won't get too excited too early...my teeth are lazy little things and procrastinate their moves. But even w/ some delays, I hope to have them off by Christmas!
Last Christmas, all I wanted for Christmas was my surgery, Christmas of 2006, all I wanted for Christmas was my two front teeth to stop hurting. All I want for Christmas 2008 is my two front teeth freed from its wires and chains and brackets! And the rest of their buddies freed as well, if at all possible. :)
All my teeth hurt now but that's expected after an orthodontist fiddling around your mouth, right?

I'm talking much better and overall feel better. I'm getting used to all the teeth pains. I get compliments from ppl all the time about my improved speech and enunciation. I still drool on occasion but it's rare and sometimes I can feel the drool coming so I can quickly react. The corners of my mouth are still a bit lazy but I'm not gonna complain b/c I feel things even in my lower left lip. Improvements!
I get to go back to all physical activities, including dance. Yay! Which reminds me, I have to reply to Linda about this Friday's free midnight funk dance class at Hubbard Street/Lou Conte Dance Studio. If anyone is in Chicago, come by! I've never taken funk/hip-hop, but it sounds like fun, and it's for all levels. I'm still on soft foods, which doesn't bother me b/c w/ the elastics going so far back to my back molars, it's hard to brush my teeth anyways, so soft foods will be easier to clean up after. :)

...and one more thing to be happy about: I move into my new office tomorrow!!!!! It's an interior office and I'll be there for only a month...depending on when I decide will be my last day here at this dear old firm. But law school, here I come! W/ a new, functional bite!

ouchies. and snapping elastics

My elastics on the right side keeps on snapping every few days while the ones on the left have never snapped. I spent the whole day yesterday w/out elastics b/c the right side snapped the night before and I forgot to replace elastics in the morning. And by last night I couldn't figure out what was going on w/ my bite. It was skewed and my left molars were smashing against each other or scrunching up and my right molars didn't feel like they were closing at all. :(

Once I put the elastics back on my bite returned to normal w/in half an hour, but I can't figure out why my right elastics keep on snapping while the left side never snaps. I did notice while I was putting the elastics back on last night that some are skinnier than others, but I can't believe that for one, there are that many irregularly skinny elastics in my bunch and two, that I consistently put skinnier/weaker ones on my right side and the thicker/stronger ones on my left. I'm not that gifted.

In any case, can I keep these elastics for as long as I have braces? I didn't like the way my bite screwed itself up w/out them in a day. It troubled me dearly until I got the elastics back on. For a hysterical second I thought maybe I've really screwed things up and all b/c I was neglectful...and forgetful. But now that the bite feels as good as ever, I wanna keep these forever. If I my mouth can't remember how to bite correctly w/out elastics and outside help after less than 24 hours of free-flapping, then I don't know how I'm going to manage w/out them long-term.

The ouchies refer to my metal plates and screws. I feel them. The ones closest to my nose. The ones holding my lower jaw hurt occasionally but I never feel them independent of the pain. Even when it hurts, it's not like I feel the metal plates, it's more of a dull pain on either side of my lower jaw, usually in the mornings after I'd slept on one side. I feel the metal plates holding my upper jaw together 24-7. The ones closer to my ears aren't as bothersome and I only feel those when I apply gentle pressure, they feel like they're poking my teeth roots. But the ones next to my nose are troublesome. They hurt and make noise randomly that only I can hear. The ones on the right side hurt w/out even being touched, and I feel pokey things. I don't really want another surgery to have them removed b/c stitches under my upper lip lasted at least a whole month and were the most painful ones of all...and my upper lip kinda got sucked up into my mouth after the surgery and they're just now beginning to loosen and become a little fuller again. But I feel the dumb plates all the time and they hurt even when I'm not bothering them. :( I really want to just get used to the feeling, but I don't like the feeling of scratchy metal rubbing on my bones...or screws working loose...this might be in my imagination, but the weird sounds every once in a while doesn't help.

Honestly, I can't feel the gap I felt where they cut my upper jaw that I felt the first month post-op. And I don't hear as much liquid/bubbles passing through that gap, or bones creaking around in there, but the teeny, very occasional noises scare me more now than those louder, bubbly feelings of yore.

Oh well, I go see Dr. Heffez again on Monday after my first whole month away from my doctor! And, to add to the excitement of next week, I get to go see my orthodontist for the first time since the surgery on Tuesday! I've been "released to Dr. Kusnoto" as Dr. Heffez says :) yay!?!? I'm happy about this release, but kinda not so excited about the orthodontics part...sooner I start it, the sooner I'll be done (damn those necessary evils). On a brighter note, it'll be sunny tomorrow and won't rain (or so weather.com says...tho it's been raining for the past week and a half and it's supposed to rain on Sunday)! Wheee!!!

inching towards week 10

I just had another food idea…this is turning into more of a food blog now that I’m eating and recovering. It helps that I’m not in constant excruciating pain, or dripping blood out of my nose. The snack/mini-meal that made me happy today was a quickie-bread pudding-like thing w/ mashed bananas and almond butter. I mashed a banana and ate half and pushed the other half to the side of the dish. Then I took half a slice of wheat bread and tore it into 3 pieces. Then I smeared a little less than a tablespoon of almond butter on the pieces of bread. Next I topped the almond butter w/ a teaspoon of thick honey, evenly divided among the 3 pieces. I arranged it on the dish w/ the mashed bananas, the bananas scooped on top of the bread, sorta covering it all. Next I added a splash of milk and microwaved it for 30 seconds. It was slightly warm and the milk was absorbed. I added about a 1/3 cup of milk and ate! It didn’t look awesome but tasted really good!

It’s been 2 months and although my doctor didn’t give the official go-ahead to run, I jogged a little to catch a train on Friday and to catch up to someone on Saturday. I’ll see my surgeon again in about a week, and I’m pretty sure he’ll let me get back to normal activities. I am itching to go back to ballet. I’m going to go back to classes and just do the barre and the center floor stuff and excuse myself for the hard stuff like jumps and such, this week. As long as it’s no impact I’m sure it’ll be okay.

It’s storming really badly and there’s been several severe rain, thunder and possibly hail warnings in this area in the past 2-3 days. It’s wicked humid and can get hot enough so that it feels unbearable and icky b/c the sweat won’t dry in the sick humidity. It’s storming now…lots of loud, rumbling thunder that vibrates through the house and lots of lightening.
I love watching the lightening…ever since some “Korean language camp for MK’s” I suffered through during the week of Easter break in 8th grade. It stormed one night and the electricity went out so all of us were gathered in the mess-hall type place called the Ark, probably after dinner and it was raining so bad that none of us wanted to trudge through the mud rivulets to get to our respective cabin-bunking areas. Hak was strumming a guitar, Hannah Lee totally into him, some telling scary stories to the little ones, the really little ones crying or clinging to their mothers who were volunteers or to the other teachers/adults. I don’t remember what I was doing, but I wandered over to a large window and just stared out at the night and the rain. And lightening struck! It illuminated the entire garden I was looking out into; everything was washed in a bluish-white light for a fraction of a second. Fascinated, I kept my post and a little later, another lightening! And this time it was a purplish light, it was so beautiful. I think my friend Esther found me and joined me for a bit and I explained to her the beauty of lightening. She watched w/ me for a while then got bored but I kept on staring out at the pitch-dark rain, waiting for lightening, and saw so much beauty that one night. Ever since, I loved watching the world light up in the middle of the night for barely a slice of a second, hoping not to blink, b/c I’ll miss it literally in the blink of an eye.

I’ll end w/ another food thing. I made a type of savory salmon bread pudding tonight. I greased the inside of a casserole w/ a touch of butter and lined the bottom w/ the heels of a loaf of bread, torn into itty-bitty pieces. I ripped the edges off of 3 and a half more slices of bread, tore it into bits and added them to the bottom. I then opened and drained a can of salmon, flaked it w/ some fresh-ground black pepper and spread it evenly over the bits of bread. I sprinkled maybe a tablespoon of parmesan cheese over the salmon and sprinkled about a teaspoon each of lemon pepper and garlic pepper over that. I then thawed about a cup and a half to 2 cups of a tomato and cheese soup that I froze a few weeks ago b/c it tasted more like sauce than soup, and spread that over the salmon. I tore the crust-less slices of wheat bread into more itty bits and evenly covered the tomato and cheese soup-sauce layer. I sprinkled sweet paprika powder on top for flavor and color. Over that, I poured a mixture of 1 egg beaten w/ a cup of milk and just a splash of chicken broth. I let it sink in, and b/c it wasn’t soaking into the bottom of the casserole, I poured more chicken broth along the edges and poked a butter knife through to the bottom in several places, easing the liquids down. I baked it for 45 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit and b/c the center wasn’t set and still a little eggy, left it on 300 degrees for 15 minutes longer, covered it b/c the edges were getting crispy and it could be tough to eat. It turned out well, I never added salt to any of it b/c the soup-sauce had salt in it, the chicken broth was seasoned, and the garlic pepper and lemon pepper had salt too.
It was good. Probably about 1000 calories for the whole thing but it could easily be 6 meals for me. Yum…and nutritious too!!! I think it’s a good carb-and-protein balance, esp compared to the amount of protein I’ve been managing to consume. I need more fresh veggies soon or I’ll develop some sort of deficiency.
It’s late so I’ll go nite-nite! The storm seems to have quelled…

Month TWO coming up!

Tomorrow, it'll be two months since my surgery!
Still on mush and purees. I can't exactly chew soft things, but I can swallow bits of bread, small amounts of soggy rice, and even meat sometimes if cut up into a mash and mixed w/ mashed potatoes or something like it.

I've been eating tons of bread pudding, b/c it's one way to consume bread, but I don't make it so sweet so it can be eaten room-temperature as a breakfast or a dinner, not just a heavy dessert. But I've always loved bread pudding, so I'm going to try a Savory bread pudding recipe. I have the general idea down, milk and eggs w/ spices w/ either sugar/dried fruit/berries or pureed meats and veggies.

I microwaved half a can of spaghetti-and-meatballs thing and mashed it up w/ a fork for a good 5 minutes and that was good. If I'm careful, I can eat w/ a fork w/out damaging myself or the elastics too much. I mash fish when available and I cut up noodles doused in sauce or soup and slurp/swallow that. But I choke on alot of stuff so I should be more careful.

Little red bumps around my lips/nose are still there, but teensy zit-like bumps have joined the group. I am starting to wonder if they're b/c of my continued use of Vaseline Lip Therapy. I love that stuff! It goes on morning and night, and sometimes when my lips feel dry and stretched during the day. Should I stop using it for a week and see if that's the problem? The bumps are painful, unsightly and annoying!
Another hypothesis that I've come up w/ is that b/c my body is still trying to heal there, it's sending an overload of blood and repairing supplies, and among "repairing supplies" is extra lipids. And whatever doesn't get used w/in an allotted time is being dumped out via the epidermis. If this is the case, then there's nothing I can do about it. Which sucks.

I can still feel the metal plates holding my upper jaw in place, I wonder if the feeling will go away or they'll keep on bothering me and will have to be removed next year. I don't want to remove them any sooner than the first anniversary of my orthognatic surgery. I want them to be there to make sure nothing wobbles around, and surely w/in a year all the bone healing will be done.

But, I've worked over time last Wednesday and tonight. I get exhausted when I do work overtime, so I am a little frustrated at my low energy levels and stamina. But all in good time, right?

Snapped Elastics and Pancakes

drumroll, please....


I've eaten pancakes! Twice! The first was at McDonald's, which I haven't been to in...possibly over a year. But their "hotcakes" were very soft and yummy w/ syrup.

And this morning, I ate part of a pancake from that food bar thing downstairs from my office building. It was a little crummy...in more than one sense. But I paid $2.50 for that single pancake (they weigh the food and charge an index finger per pound) so I attempted it. The "crust" was too hard, and I snapped an elastic band while eating it. I hoped it would last me the day. I don't have any at work...
...should I remove all of them and go w/out for one day? I don't want my bite being skewed b/c I'm only wearing elastics on one side...

So I've decided that since I'm up and walking around during breakfast hours at Micky-D's, I should go in and get just their hotcakes once a week. It'll be a treat for me until I can eat real food.
My main concern about food continues to be protein. I was never a big protein eater, but I am getting worried that I'm not getting enough of it b/c most proteins come in hard-to-eat formats like steak, cottage cheese, protein bars, eggs or in icky protein shakes. I have been fastidious in thinking about how to consume more protein but haven't been fastidious in trying out new ways. Scrambled eggs are doable now that I'm more capable of swallowing bigger bits of solids, but still a couple spoonfuls are about my limit before they get stuck in my braces or spat out.

My left joint area has been in alot of pain recently and I've reverted to sleeping w/ my hand pressed against whichever side jaw is on the pillow...


....later that night....
I was forced to work past 9 pm. I worked more today than I have any other day since the surgery. Over 10.5 hours! And it feels like I haven't slept in 2 or 3 days...even though that's not true. My body isn't really what it used to be, maybe in a few more months I'll get my energy back.

Week 7 post-op, FOOD

It is now week 7 post-op. Yay...

Pictures of my first real-looking meal. Pureed chicken noodle soup w/ a bit of pureed yu choy. Looked too good to be real at week 4.

Yum? I thought so. Progresso Chicken with Noodles and Vegetables, pureed w/ just a 1/4 slice of cold Provolone cheese, torn into itty, bitty bits. One sprig of cooked Yu Choy pureed w/ a touch of milk or chicken broth.

This picture shows the tiny dessert spoon I had to use and still use today b/c large spoons can barely squeeze into my mouth past the elastics and forks stab my lips/tongue/teeth and the tines get tangled in my elastics. The spoon is about as wide as my thumb. And I have very small hands.


Additionally...the next picture is from 5 weeks post-op.

Dessert. Half a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich w/ a dollop of Activia vanilla yogurt and some pureed strawberry bits mascerated in honey. Delicious and beautiful! It's sitting on a volume of The Bonfire of the Vanities, which is on my bed where I lived for several weeks after surgery.

I found that the ice cream sandwich was really great b/c the "cookie" parts were soft enough so that it could be mushed in my mouth by my tongue or be mixed in w/ slightly melted ice cream. But, I couldn't handle ice cream or any cold food for the first few weeks. It was wonderful when I could. But, I have not-so-great memories from when I had my wisdom teeth removed...of over-eating ice cream. So I don't eat it too often now.

short update!

I can't see any more stitches or "hanging threads" when I lift my upper lip! That little slip of skin holding my lip to the top of my gums isn't straight and taught like my brother's. I keep on making him show me the inside of his mouth to see what's normal. It's a little squiggly, but it's not like a stitch that adhered to my gums and turned into skin so I'm happy. I think that was the last of the stitches. I kept on rinsing water through that area to encourage the threads to fall out...I guess that's that. :)

Happy to be rid of the residual stitches...after 7 weeks!

Memories...and New Vibrations

I always have these really great thoughts that I want to record while brushing my teeth, or bathing, or falling asleep, or working, or talking to someone, or watching TV, etc...and I never remember what those wonderful insights were when I sit down to blog. That's why I'm such a horrible blogger.
But I finally got the pictures on my camera transferred to my external hard drive! It's not on Picasa or on facebook yet but it's a step closer. I also got the pictures off my dad's cell phone from the surgery prep (pre-op) room and that single picture of me as the angry sea-monster after waking up and being moved to the ICU.

Down Memory Lane

I wondered out loud w/ my mom about doctor's fees and how long it all took...how I thought I had forgotten how to tell time or that my eye sight was failing when I woke up and saw the clock in the OR. I was expecting to see something close to 2 pm but I saw something like 5:47 pm. My mom said it was about 6:30 pm when they were told I was moved to the ICU. She said at around 5:50 pm my surgeon came out and said I would be awake and moved to the ICU about 40 minutes after my surgery was over.

I think what I remember is waking up groggy and kinda feeling icky and squinting at the clock on the green-tiled wall of what I believe was the OR. I remember seeing the doctors who assisted w/ my surgery still in scrubs and caps and masks. They lifted me off the table by the sheet, just like on ER, and slid me on to the transporting stretcher. And maybe I fell asleep again b/c I remember being wheeled to the ICU but the one resident I met in the pre-op room, Dr. Mingkus (or something like it) was not in the same place as I remembered him when I woke up in the OR. I don't even know if I saw Dr. Heffez, my OS. When they slid me off the operating table I remember seeing a blond lady by my left leg who I saw in the pre-op room at around 6:30 am before all the residents went to their morning class before my operation. But when they were rolling me to the ICU, I don't think I saw her. I only saw her again the next day or that night when a bunch of them came for rounds. So maybe I did spend some time waking up in the recovery room, even though I don't remember any of it. I thought I woke up in the OR and was moved directly to the ICU. But once I was moved I was still out of it and sleepy.
I remember being proud of myself for remembering the words "nausea" and "hip" to indicate that I was feeling sick and that my hip hurt while they wheeled me to the ICU. I think I was told something before the doctors left me, and I remember thinking my nurse, Shruti's name was Trudy. I had heard wrong b/c of the cotton-in my ears and brains feeling but then later, after she brought me my morphine pump, I read her name tag.

My parents were brought to see me in my barely-alive state. I found that I not only could I not close my jaws, but that I also could not pull my lips closed. The fact that I didn't know where my nurse call-button and controls were added to my frustration and discomfort. I remember trying to tell my mom about everything/something but she kept telling me not to talk. My parents also kept looking at the screen showing my vitals and I kept on turning around to see it b/c it was behind my left shoulder. Every time I craned my sore, swollen neck to see the screen my mom told me not to and my heart rate would increase and the other beeps would get louder and more urgent. I remember thinking that my heart rate was way too fast...I think it was around 95 or 100 bpm. The sticky tabs they stuck to my chest while in pre-op that was now connected to the beeping machines.

Needless to say, I was tired but couldn't imagine going to sleep when my parents left at around 8 pm. I managed to find The Office on TV after my parents left but between pushing the morphine pump constantly and trying not to be bothered by the sounds of the commercials and the show itself, I didn't find any of it funny. I had lost my sense of humor in my half-dead state. Which was just as well b/c laughing or even smiling would have been painful and impossible.
I may have had the breathing tube in when I first woke I first woke up in the OR but it was gone by the time I came to and it was replaced w/ an oxygen tube w/ the two little nasal tubelettes that shot cool oxygenated air into my nose. The breathing tube may have been removed in recovery or as soon as I got to the ICU, before my parents were brought in. I just know my open lips and the tip of my nose was constantly slathered in some sort of ointment. My doctor had the nurses constantly reapply that stuff on my lips (I guess to help heal the gigantic, stretched corners of my mouth that looked more like a vertical set of extra lips...it was that red and puffed) and nose (for the wound on my nose from the breathing tube...I still have a scar by my right nostril). He threw it out when he came to see me in the regular room and said I should begin to use the Vaseline lip treatment that I got the day before surgery.

...continued on Wednesday, May 21, 2008...

I used the Vaseline on my lips and nose for 2 weeks...until the nose healed, and I still use a little on my lips morning and night. But no more shining up my nose w/ it.

This is the one I use. I love it.

My doctor told me to get the stuff for lips, in a squeeze tube, not like the big jar but I use my finger to apply it anyways. I think maybe he didn't want me to get the stick-type lip balms b/c it would've been difficult and painful to use in the first few weeks when my whole face was swollen and sore. He also said not to get anything w/ Phenol in it, which is an acid that creates the slight numbing sensation, which feels good but doesn't help w/ healing, which is what we're aiming for. He recommended the Vaseline and I he approved of this one. I found everything else had phenol in it, except for maybe Burt's Bees.

New Vibes, New Senses!

The corners of my mouth hurt and are sore. I think I had lost sensation in both corners of my mouth, not only the left side. This is my theory; I lost sensation on the left side of my lower lip, and the corner was also not working. But I had also lost feeling in the right corner of my lips, but didn't notice b/c the upper lip felt slightly dull and the right side of the lower lip felt fine. But now that the nerves are growing back, I am regaining some sensation in both corners of my lips and they feel raw. Like they were stretched and put through torture yesterday. It feels like there's a rash on either side. I know, not the best feeling in the world, but I'm still excited to feel something and to figure out what had happened.

I also have an almost constant feeling of a sticker stuck to the area just under where I can't feel anything on my lower lip. Kind of also on the edge of my left lower lip. And sometimes when I move, it also feels like there's a rash there. Increased pain, but growing nerves! Yipee!


Last night, by which I mean Tuesday, May 20th, I had the fullest meal since the surgery. I don't know if my stomach has grown smaller or if I never was able to finish a bowl of cold buckwheat noodles, Korean style.
It's called Naeng-myun, meaning cold-noodles in literal translation from Korean. It's like buckwheat vermacelli, so brown and speckled w/ teensy darker brown dots. I think they also pulverize the husks or something. It's pretty healthy, and it's eaten either w/ some spicy red pepper sauce (and raw fish, to make Hwe Naeng-myun), or, more popularly these days, in a clear, cold broth. Toppings of julienned cucumbers, pickled radish, sliced cold beef, sliced asian pears and half a hard-boiled egg cut length-wise are added as well as optional extra vinegar and mustard.

I had been craving the cold noodles since before the orthognatic surgery. But it was still way to cold to eat such a summery meal in March in Chicago this year. It wasn't spring yet.


I like the cold noodles and I remember a few weeks after I got home from my joint surgery, I my grandmother took my cousin and me to a Naeng-myun place. It was in Korea the summer I turned 14, and I was staying at my grandmother's place. My mom had gone out for the day on some business, meeting ppl and the like. I was left to rest. And at the neighborhood Naeng-myun place, my grandmother asked the waitress lady to cut my noodles into bits, explaining that I just had jaw joint surgery and couldn't chew. Koreans cut their noodles w/ scissors, and the waitresses come w/ kitchen scissors to the table and ask how many times you want your noodles cut, the standard is twice across, crisscrossed. She made mine into less than 1/2-inch pieces and when she left and we began to eat, I found that I couldn't use my chopsticks. So I used my spoon and drank the noodles and the broth, and I gave away my egg and the other toppings. I drank it all down and by the end of the bowl, my stomach was about to burst. Few people drink all the broth, b/c that is alot of liquid, esp. with the noodles and the toppings.

And last night was no exception, I asked for the scissors to be left with me and I didn't cut it quite so short, but I cut it into 1-inch pieces and used both my spoon and chop sticks to eat. It was really good, but by the time I got half way through it, I was really full. But b/c I had cut up all the noodles into such small pieces, I felt bad wasting it b/c my mom or my dad wouldn't want to eat the cut-up noodles when they had meat on the hot stone griddle and like 20 different condiments/side dishes to eat. So I ate most of it and I had indigestion last night.
And I was shivering and chilled b/c it rained last night and I had eaten cold noodles. And my right jaw hurt where the metal plate was screwed in. I was over-zealous in eating all my noodles. Never again. Next time I'll ask for a separate bowl and cut up only what I know I can handle. My lower right molars hurt too...I hope they didn't move around and hit the screws.
The pain lasted all night, and by this morning moved to my left joint and teeth.

So I decided to take it easy w/ food for a while. I keep remembering J's ordeal three years ago when her screws fell out and entire upper jaw detached. I don't want hardware problems and I don't want bone problems. And I don't like indigestion. It hurts and feels icky.


The irony of the moment is that I had this surgery w/ dreams of being able to eat normally in public afterwards but I just turned down lunch w/ a new summer associate I met yesterday. It's their 3rd day and normally I would've met every single one of them, but on Monday evening I had a migraine so I skipped the beer and wine social to welcome all of them. And I stopped by the two summers' office on our floor yesterday on my way out at 4:30 pm. I left early b/c I was tired and in pain. And then went out to dinner w/ my parents and over eat and over-used my jaws and even choked on the noodles a couple times.
So instead of lunch w/ the new folks, I introduced other paralegals and suggested that he go to lunch w/ them and some younger associates. I would have loved to have joined them and Kate, one of the newer associates, promised that in a few weeks they'll take me. But there's no point in me going and watching other ppl eat right now. I already started slurping my mashed potatoes and pureed chicken salad out of my trusty Zip-n-Squeeze. I had explained to him and the other summer associate, whom I met at our firm's Christmas party last year, about my jaw surgery but I guess he didn't realize that I couldn't chew either.
Oh well, in a few weeks I'll ask them to go to lunch and maybe then I'll be able to eat in public w/out getting curious stares.

I also found that I still clench my teeth in my sleep. My mom doesn't think I grind my teeth anymore, which is great news, but I am pretty sure I still clench. I've caught myself at it a couple times already in the half-sleep of dawn.

My left jaw hurts. Where the jaw bone curves up into the joint into the condyle. The curb throbs. I don't like leaving work early and I have to be at a meeting after work today, but things are hurting too much right now.
I'm also sleepy...I've been tired since I woke up this morning. Maybe MSG in that cold noodle broth last night?

Some Updates, Thoughts and Food Ideas

Just some updates:

If I didn't insert spaces via "ctrl+v" then thisiswhatmysentenceswouldlooklike. I think when I drooled into my keyboard, my spacebar's link to the controls were zapped. Ooops. But at least everything else seems to work!
So, I type very slow now.

On Wednesday morning, after brushing my teeth, I noticed that my midlines have drifted about 2 mm away from each other. To me, it looked as if my lower jaw had shifted 2 mm over to the right. Right, BIG SHOCK. Huge Dissappointment and fear and anger at the situation. So I e-mailed my doctor while at work and waited...and he replied and wanted to see me on Thursday. Big relief. So at 3 pm, Thursday, I went in for an emergency follow-up. And the OS determined that it's only a shift of the teeth, not the jaws actually moving. I was so relieved. So I'll take a couple pictures to post. I took a couple pictures at work with my cell phone after reading the e-mail from my doctor, but I think I'll prefer pictures taken with my real camera.
Some more good news is that my doctor has released me to the pancake houses. He said I can try spaghetti and pancakes and the like. I'm pretty excited about pancakes. I haven't tried them yet but I can't wait! I opened my can of Spaghetti-O's today and was sorely dissappointed in the taste. I'm pretty sure I didn't eat it as a child and didn't eat much canned foods since my mom was a pretty good cook and a health-nut who didn't believe in canned foods for even occasional consumption when fresh-cooked food was avaliable.I now agree with her. I didn't then. But I really don't understand what's so great about Spaghetti-O's. It was pretty nasty and bland. I'll probably eat the other half later, but only after I find a way to remedy the taste, or the lack thereof.

In other news, I went to my first "social" event since my surgery on Thursday! Btw, Thursday marked week 6 exactly. I went to the Korean-American Bar Association of Chicago's Annual Banquet. I didn't drink any drinks or eat the dinner, but I had gone for the keynote speaker, Yul Kwon, the winner of Survivor Cook Islands. He was pretty cool and amazingly smart and insightful. He was also very driven, passionate and sensitive to many issues concerning Asian Americans. And I obtained his e-maile address. He's engaged. So it wasn't for stalking reasons, trust me. The lucky lady isn't Becky Lee (?), one of his co-Survivor friends. But it's for future networking. I let him know that I had jaw surgery 6 weeks ago so he doesn't think me speech-impaired. I find that I sound muffled even when I try to talk w/ my mouth open, etc. I ate the scalloped potatoes, mashed w/ my fork and I ate the custard filling of two fruit tarts, leaving two cookie-based tart shells and pineapple, kiwi and mandarine sections. I mashed a few mandarine sections and slivers of kiwi and they were so good...I miss fresh fruit.

And, I, Grace Ha, who never wins anything, won a raffle prize! A $25 gift certificate to some restaurant! I don't have it yet but Charles Kim, president of KABA and a partner at the firm I work for, also a fellow alumni of Duke University, promised he'll bring it to me on Monday. Yipee! I was so excited, I jumped up from my seat. My doctor had said earlier that same afternoon that I'm still ordered off aerobic exercise and similar activities. Jumping and running were out...but it was involuntary. I was just really happy.


...Updates on Sunday...

I tried, at the suggestion of another ortho-sufferer, vanilla ice cream with apple sauce! Deeeeelicious! She said it would taste like apple pie a la mode, and maybe so...I just thought it was great and tasted of summer. I bought Brown Sugar Vanilla ice cream. YUUMMMM....
I also tried vanilla yogurt w/ apple sauce. Less cold, less sweet, more healthy. It tastes a little different but still really good. Maybe w/ a dash of cinnamon it'll be better. I still haven't tried pancakes yet, but I think that'll be a real treat. Noodles were a dissappointment in the past two days, especially the canned Spaghetti-O's. Yuck. I think the over-cooked Udon noodles were pretty good and I even felt pretty full after eating just some of it.
I find that the space between my upper and lower molars is too large for proper chewing. Or maybe, my senseless upper teeth just can't do their thing well enough to masticate soggy food particles. Either way, I'll have to learn how to eat solids again. Kinda like a 2-yr-old.

Small Victory...or just a mile-marker. Some ranting and a little raving.

I am finally done w/ my Doxy stint! I am free of the inhibiting morning-sickness and evening-sickness of the doxycycline hycate! Yipee!
It feels like a small victory, although approaching week 6 post-op, everything seems to go by at a snail's pace. I promised my friend that we'll return to that pancake house we loved before she moves back to NC at the end of June to write her dissertation for her doctorate. I heard pancakes are fairly easy soft-foods...once I reach that state. I feel like this pureed food stuff has gone on forever.

But a lady named "J" who's been giving me food ideas e-mailed me yesterday about her 3 surgeries b/c she was trying to get ahead of herself. She had her upper jaw operated on, and b/c she speaks to ppl for a living, went back to work 3 weeks and 3 days post-op and b/c she talked so much a screw or two came loose and that was really, really painful. So she had the smaller operation to remove the hardware (not sure how long post- first op). And then her jaw began to hurt again, and so she went in for x-rays, scans, etc and her doctor noticed her jaw was moving...of course a bad sign. And they thought maybe one side got detached in the back, but an exploratory proved that her upper jaw was free-hanging/floating and totally detached on both sides! So she asked for dissolving hardware and went in for surgery #3. It was a more complicated surgery w/ bone cadaver and paste and reinforcements. And she sat and did nothing for 5 weeks after that. She was on full bed rest, not even stuff on the computer...that was 3 years ago for her.
She told me to take it slow, only start on the next level of food when the doctor says I can and I feel like I can. I don't want to go through what she did...that's pure, hellish punishment.

I tried chewing a piece of jello on Sunday night...and that hurt/felt really odd and unstable. So maybe that's a sign that I need to lay off and act like I have no teeth for another couple weeks. Another lesson in patience.

When I tore ligaments in my left wrist and right middle finger, I refused to see a doctor for a month and lived w/ lots of pain and a make-shift tether for my finger that made typing impossible. And then I couldn't waste time w/ occupational therapy b/c I was going to trial for a whole month in Iowa. So by the time I finally started therapy, it was 2 months after the injury and was so scared my doctor would want to operate...so, as not to make things worse than they are...I need to have patience.
...ranting...
It's not that I miss food so very, very much, which I do, but it's more that it's an inconvenience to me. Like my life feels like it's being kept in an incubator and I'm only allowed limited supervised visits outside of this incubation.
I also don't want ppl around me to think that I'm being a total baby, which I sometimes inevitably act like. I am trying, but I can't speed up this healing process by over exerting myself and it's really hard on me and it frustrates me more than they can imagine. I look better some days, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to swell up again when the clock strikes 3 pm and I've been sitting for 5 hours. It doesn't mean that terrible punched-in-the-nose feeling isn't going to come back, which it inevitably does unexpectedly. And b/c I sneeze and yawn sometimes doesn't mean I'm better. It just means that I'm subjected a momentary increase in pain. I have to remember to keep my mouth open when I sneeze b/c it's less painful, but it's also messier.
I have to be cautious b/c I have to join society for some part of my day and if some unsuspecting person bumps me on the street when I'm feeling dizzy or unsure of my balance, then I'm the one who might fall and have to deal w/ the consequences if anything happens to my jaws/teeth. I'm not trying to be the pitiable nub-head who can't smile anymore.
I was told by two separate people today that it's sad to see me so subdued (and almost morose) b/c I'm usually so effusive and bubbly. I can't smile and I'm bothered by it. I try to ignore the painful spots du jour, but it's hard to ignore the fact that I can't smile when I talk to people. But lots of ppl have been asking me how I'm doing today, so I feel better, I feel like they care. So somthing to live for at work, eh? hahaha...

If only I can actually celebrate my birthday by eating next month...

...raving...
I guess this next bit is good news...Cigna told me they're taking care of the $40,000 hospital bill and I'll have to pay only $630 of that. They're actually paying only $24,500 and I guess they got the hospital to discount some things.
But I'm still holding my breath b/c that's only half the bills and who knows what Cigna's gonna do once my OS and anesthesiologist sends out their collection slips. I have no idea what it's going to be...it was a really long surgery, esp. for something like this. My doctor estimated 6 hours in pre-op and it went on for 4 extra hours. He could've done a whole separate surgery in that time! And if there were two anesthesiologists in there w/ me the whole time, it has to come out to at least $10,000 for their bill.
I hate suspense. In high school and middle school while all my friends were hoping we never got our tests back, I was the one wanting to see my grade and get it over with. I mean, if it's coming anyways, why delay and extend painful anticipation? I just want to see it so I can scream/yell/panic and find a way to take care of it asap.

drool and pictures update

I was about to turn off my computer and turn in so that I'll be ready for the big day ahead. Given that I've burned through most of my paid time off (PTO) from work, I really need to gear up for longer days, if not full days, at work.
With my newly acquired Zip n Squeeze bags (4 extra-long puree bags and one shorter puree bag) , I think I'll be equipped food-wise to stay at work longer. I practiced eating two meals with it on Sat., and feel fairly confident that b/c the increased rate at which I can pump my food into my mouth w/ these things, I could possibly get more into my stomach before the gag reflexes hit, resulting in more consumption per attempt.

But the real reason why I didn't shut my computer off and go to bed was b/c I yawned (and I just read an msnbc article on yawning which told me nothing definitive about why we yawn...just new findings to buttress the fact that we don't know why we yawn), and DROOLED. Lots. Into my keyboard. I'm now afraid that the amount of saliva that has seeped into the space between the spacebare and the edge of the computer will be the death of this dear old laptop. Yikes. Already things are a malfunction i ng. I amgoing to CRY. `m,
At leastt the mouse is working. :(
But the space bar, backspace and enter are havingi`y] issues. And making weird noises. :( And randomly pulling up STrange commands like the all-caps and search tools.
`m
`m

The good news was that I learned how to get pictures off the cell phone and now have the pre surgery pics and the single post-op ICU picture saved on this here defective computer.

I am really sad about this tragedy. I wrote so many papers and random things on this device. Goodnight. The pasting of spaces between each word using the ctrl + v instead of the spacebar has become too hard.

full days at work?

uh...I thought I was on my way. Until today.

I got in later than usual, not that I think anyone's checking right now, but still past 11 am when I had a noon meeting wasn't the best. The meeting was about improving the paralegal program in our practice group, one of the younger partners finally got fed up w/ what's not in place and ordered lunch for us to come in and tell her what we think should happen. I got excited, but couldn't eat.

They keep on thinking that it upsets me to watch other ppl eat, and they ask me about it. It doesn't really, b/c I know it won't taste the same to me. I know this b/c I tried sucking on small pieces of food that could only be chewed in the first few weeks and they weren't that good...I think maybe the meds were doing something to my taste buds. But b/c I don't feel anything on my upper teeth and roof of mouth, I also don't get the full range of sensory fulfillment that chewing food is supposed to give. I miss real food, but I don't mind that others are eating and I'm not. I'm not going to begrudge other ppl's ability/need to eat b/c I can't...yet. That's ridiculous and childish. Besides, I had my milk-and-powdered grains shake I could "eat."

But anyways, I got excited about the initiative she took to improving the program, esp. for ppl who had paralegal certificates and might be career paralegals, and who were considering moving to a different firm that have more structured programs and allows them mobility and better pay. This was my first job out of college, the location (city where my OS and OD and family are) was convenient and it was the experience I wanted to confirm my desire to go to law school. I knew the pay was crap compared to what I could be making somewhere else doing something else, but $ wasn't a concern. I don't know when I'll be able to say that again, esp. after I get the rest of the bills from this surgery.

But, to go on about not-so-full days at work. The meeting was about 2 hours vs. the 1 hour we thought it was going to be. We all got excited about the prospects, even knowing that I'll be gone by fall. And by the end I had a headache...that grew...into my mouth and cheek bones. So I couldn't stand it after 3:20 and called my mom to see if she can arrange for a pick up from the train station for me and I left. And I beat the rush hour crowds, which still scare me. But I was ill...I did the warm compress on my cheeks and jaw and my head for several hours and slept for some of that time. The headache lingers yet.

So, in conclusion, the full days of work will have to wait. I hope my boss(es) understand(s). I thought the increase in energy meant something, but I guess the socked-in-the-face feeling is back. Yuck.

Oh, and maybe a couple nights ago, I needed a teaspoon of the remaining tylenol w/ codeine to sleep...it wasn't good. I was so tired and "late" to work. I hate being the delinquent/weakling of the office bunch, I appreciate ppl's understanding but I want to be able to handle my share too.
No more stitches falling apart in my mouth, but they sure were pulling this afternoon when my face swelled a little more w/ the pain.

hanging threads

Thought I'd report...on my ride to work this morning, I noticed a hanging thread inside my mouth. Just to the right of the corner of my mouth, just beyond the elastics...my doctor mentioned that my stitches were "coming apart" on Monday...I thought they'd just fall out in knots like the other ones did, not literally unravel and hang from the rafters. Sheesh.

But I can't feel it now, and I'm sitting at work...so maybe I swallowed it w/ my milk and powdered grains meal...

Oh, and something great I kinda rediscovered while walking through Costco w/ my brother on Monday: La Vache Qui Rit, aka The Laughing Cow soft cheese triangles!

I ate a triangle with a plastic knife today at my desk. Nice, eh? I cut it into thin slivers and slipped the knife into my mouth, and wiped the cheese off on my tongue. It was so good. I know, it's supposed to be used as a spread or what not, but I can't eat bread or crackers yet.
The other day, I didn't have yogurt with me but found some whipped cream cheese so I added a table spoon of that to my mashed bananas...it was different. I don't know if I'll do it again, but it wasn't so horrendous. A gal's gotta do what she gotta do for food.


I asked to purchase a 4-pack of the larger pureed food Zip n Squeeze bags from someone I found on the Yahoo Support Group. I can't wait! It's like the adult orthognatic version of the cool new lunch box.
I mean, I can now bring more than Ensure to work! I might be well on my way to doing full days at work. :)

I hope he gets my e-mail soon and sends it soon so I get it this week....ooooh....Zip n Squeeze.

Look at April 29th's post for today's thoughts and reports

I posted those rough copies of my x-rays today, but it posted under the entry I started on April 29th. I'll add the pictures here at the bottom, but please scroll down to read the descriptions I added.

I'm still on a puree diet for a while so it seems like I'll need a few Zip n Squeezes. I'm going to buy some surplus from a guy from the yahoo orthognatic surgery support group. He's in colorado, so they won't be travelling from Cali.

Here are the pictures, go read the caption-paragraphs below the my One Month Anniversary Post. Good night.

One Month!

I should've taken pictures...but not much difference from the past week. In fact, I looked more swollen this morning and I'm becoming more squirrely about my meds b/c I joined Yahoo's Orthognatic Surgery Support Group yesterday...

...and I asked about little red bumps (that I thought were tiny pimples at first) around my mouth and nose...and happened to mention that I started taking Doxycycline (hycate). And I got a reply from someone else who's having surgery in Sept. that includes the three procedures originally planned for me--LeFort 1, BSSO and Genio--told me that s/he's been taking it since Nov. and her doctor prescribes it to all his patients who has TMJ b/c even though it's an antibiotic, it stabilizes the joint. Well, she also told me that she's developed throat ulcers b/c of them b/c they can be harsh on the stomach and throat and must be taken w/ a full glass of water to make sure it doesn't stay in the throat and irritate it. Also, that taking calcium supplements or dairy w/in 2 hours of it hinders absorption. And that I shouldn't lie down for 30 minutes after taking it b/c nausea can get bad...and s/he was right. I've had stomach aches and severe nausea after taking it, and the capsule has stuck to my throat.


So I did some reading up on Doxycycline...and it's pretty strong, used for inhalation of Anthrax and malaria (and its prevention or travel under 4 months) and diseases like Syphilis and other STDs, Typhus and Lyme disease, and some bad, bad, bad strains of amoebic infections including fatally severe dysentery. And reading that reminded me of one of the worst bouts of dysentery I had, my senior year in high school.
I think I was out of school for at least a week, dying and running to the bathroom like every 20 minutes and was really weak and very dangerously dehydrated. I believe my mother was there at the time, but the lady who stayed w/ me during the week before my mom got to Kenya was a nurse and she ran to the pharmacy and got me an antibiotic. I took it, but noticed it was really strong and in my weakened state the smell of the pills was offensive. I don't know if it was the first time I took that pill, but it was maybe after the first or second dose, w/in 10 minutes of taking it, I had to go again and I could smell the antibiotic in the clear-liquid diarrhoea. I wasn't keeping anything in my body at the moment and certainly wasn't trying solid food so I went several times an hour, but it was very clear liquids and not too much of it either. I took small sips of warm water or tea or broth my mom brought me.
The whole point of this story is, that I remember reading the envelope the pharmacist gave/prescribed me, and it was an unfamiliar antibiotic. Trust me, I used to be familiar with all the usual types and often would self-prescribe to myself and to my dogs, this was Kenya and no one in our family was dumb enough to misuse our stock of everyday penicillin, amoxicillin, ampicillin, tetracycline and even Cipro. We had large brown bottles of the more common ones for our personal use as well as for emergency use on people we knew who didn't have access to doctors or pharmacies. We usually had missionary nurses and doctors we could call up in a jiffy to ask about dosing and prescribing, or if it was really serious case, had them come and check the patient out. Going on with my story, I hadn't seen too much Doxycycline around, and I believe the pharmacist had given me Doxycycline for my severe dysentery back then...and I smelled it in my liquid poop, b/c whatever I swallowed would go straight through me before my body had a chance to take it in. So I remember being worried about whether I should be taking another dose b/c obviously the last one didn't stay long enough to do much good...but then the next dose was supposed to be after 3 or 4 hours.
So, Doxycycline, we meet again. But this time, I'm not actually drying and dying in bed, just suffering and having mechanical trouble eating. Last time, the mechanics of food consumption wasn't my problem, just the functionality of my digestive system was in lots of trouble. Last time I didn't have to worry about venturing out into the equatorial sun and my skin being too sensitive to the UV rays, I was shivering and sweating under a blanket. This time, the sun seems reluctant to visit these northern part, despite it being May already. But this time, I know my nausea and stomach aches aren't caused by some dysentery-causing bacterial infection, but the pills that are used to cure such illnesses and to stabilize my Temporo-Mandibular Joint.
Great, eh? At least I won't be getting malaria or amoebic dysentery while taking this.

And, another almost-mile stone.
To celebrate my first month anniversary of my orthognatic (which I read literally means, "straight jaws") surgery, I tried to do my own laundry! Well, my brother was in a helping mood, so he helped, but I still had to fold and didn't get to it and threw a hissy fit instead upon finding my rumpled clean clothes strewn on my bed. It's a pet peeve of mine, b/c the whole point about laboriously folding clothes is so that they won't be rumpled when you pull it out and wear it. Folding rumpled clothes is dumb...and to remedy the problem, I usually just toss it in the dryer again to fluff it, but I thinkI might spritz some of the cotton shirts to help w/ the over-night crumples.
I cleaned the upstairs bathroom a little too, just like the old days. I did the toilet, scrubbed the sink and wiped the floors with Lysol wipes. I even wiped down the top of the toilet, toilet seat and tub ledge, but I didn't attempt the tub. My head didn't feel like it could handle leaning over and scrubbing after the other activities.

Excersize, or movement for the sake of excersize was attempted. I did some demi-plies in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th positions. I also added some temps lies in 4th and did some tendus in parallel en croix and threw in some passes (properly known as retire). No ports des bras, just arms a kimbo not to complicate things...and just arms in second for the tendus in parallel.

I also went "shopping" with my brother, to Costco to pick up stuff we need...food. And I bought mushrooms and bananas and organic chicken stock for me. We also got more fresh strawberries which prompted me to puree the ones macerating into a wine in the fridge. Picked up 3 types of juices, one for making jello...which wasn't sweet enough w/out the extra honey or sugar...and some cottage-cheese cups version of Activia, but by Breakstone and Skinny Cow eskimo pies. Yum. I ate half of one of the chocolate ice-cream ones...the cookie part is actually soft enough to melt in your mouth! And Josh got nuts and gum.

I also cooked!!! I made some creamy mushroom soup:
Peel about 7 baby bella mushrooms and 1 small-medium onion. I run my mushrooms under the faucet...I tried to just wipe them, but these were so dirty I just did my usual peel-and-rinse, and rinsed the onion too. I sliced the mushrooms and half of the onion, wrapped the other half in plastic wrap for the fridge. I sauteed the mushrooms and onion in 1/2 a stick of butter in the soup pot. I know, it's alot, but the veggies sucked up most of it! I'm trying to eat calorie-rich foods, so I did the butter over-load, like Paula Deen! I then scooped out the mushrooms and onions and dumped them into a mixer cup (bullet-type blender) w/ about 1/2 cup of milk, and let 'er rip. I did it a few times to get it to a puree while I made the roux out of what little fat was left in the pot, which I did by sprinkling 2 moderate fork-fulls of flour into the oil and stirring it w/ my spatula-stirer. I guess one large forkful of flour will do as well. When I thought the roux was done-ish, I poured just a little organic chicken stock and brought it to a boil while I whisked the roux into it. Then I added my mushroom and onion puree, brought that to a boil and added more chicken stock. I then remembered that I meant to add garlic to my veggie mixture, and found a garlic pepper powder to season the soup, and then got creative and added a few dashes of paprika powder and some fresh-ground sea salt and fresh-ground pepper to taste. I used a total of 3 cups of organic chicken stock in my soup and boiled everything.
I found the soup a little spicy which I think might be b/c the onions might not have been fully cooked. But my mom didn't think it was spicy. Maybe my mouth is just super-sensitive. I meant to add the half of avocado I had in the fridge, but I think that might make the soup too green...maybe I will anyways tomorrow.

Yesterday, for the first time since the surgery, I took pictures of my meal. I had pureed a can of Chicken Noodle Soup, and it turned out an orangey-yellow color b/c of the carrots. I stuck half of it in the fridge and added about a quarter of a slice of provolone cheese, crumbled/broken into tiny bits and pureed that. While I microwaved that, I pureed three small clumps of yu choy (I think it's also called chinese broccoli?) with a little dash of milk. The greens didn't puree so well, but I tried hard and scraped it into the middle of my deep yellow/light orange soup and it looked pretty! It also tasted pretty good.

I read and heard from my cousin that pizza can be pureed...I don't know if I'm that desperate yet, but my family had Chicago deep dish from Lou Malnati's today and I took small scoops of soggy crust, some melted cheese and tomato sauce and ended up swallowing them b/c I wasn't able to break it down in my mouth.

I think that's it. A couple nights ago my mom asked how long it's been since the surgery and I told her it'll be a month this Sat, today, and she was surprised. Tonight she noted that I'm doing much better. Which is so true. I even cleaned the bathroom and went shopping and cooked a new soup for myself! I mean, I don't cook much b/c I hate the clean up and planning/prepping, but it was hard! Given, I took some breaks and a nap. I'm hungry again...whoa, it's 2 am and no longer May 3rd...so good night!