I am finally done w/ my Doxy stint! I am free of the inhibiting morning-sickness and evening-sickness of the doxycycline hycate! Yipee!
It feels like a small victory, although approaching week 6 post-op, everything seems to go by at a snail's pace. I promised my friend that we'll return to that pancake house we loved before she moves back to NC at the end of June to write her dissertation for her doctorate. I heard pancakes are fairly easy soft-foods...once I reach that state. I feel like this pureed food stuff has gone on forever.
But a lady named "J" who's been giving me food ideas e-mailed me yesterday about her 3 surgeries b/c she was trying to get ahead of herself. She had her upper jaw operated on, and b/c she speaks to ppl for a living, went back to work 3 weeks and 3 days post-op and b/c she talked so much a screw or two came loose and that was really, really painful. So she had the smaller operation to remove the hardware (not sure how long post- first op). And then her jaw began to hurt again, and so she went in for x-rays, scans, etc and her doctor noticed her jaw was moving...of course a bad sign. And they thought maybe one side got detached in the back, but an exploratory proved that her upper jaw was free-hanging/floating and totally detached on both sides! So she asked for dissolving hardware and went in for surgery #3. It was a more complicated surgery w/ bone cadaver and paste and reinforcements. And she sat and did nothing for 5 weeks after that. She was on full bed rest, not even stuff on the computer...that was 3 years ago for her.
She told me to take it slow, only start on the next level of food when the doctor says I can and I feel like I can. I don't want to go through what she did...that's pure, hellish punishment.
I tried chewing a piece of jello on Sunday night...and that hurt/felt really odd and unstable. So maybe that's a sign that I need to lay off and act like I have no teeth for another couple weeks. Another lesson in patience.
When I tore ligaments in my left wrist and right middle finger, I refused to see a doctor for a month and lived w/ lots of pain and a make-shift tether for my finger that made typing impossible. And then I couldn't waste time w/ occupational therapy b/c I was going to trial for a whole month in Iowa. So by the time I finally started therapy, it was 2 months after the injury and was so scared my doctor would want to operate...so, as not to make things worse than they are...I need to have patience.
...ranting...
It's not that I miss food so very, very much, which I do, but it's more that it's an inconvenience to me. Like my life feels like it's being kept in an incubator and I'm only allowed limited supervised visits outside of this incubation.
I also don't want ppl around me to think that I'm being a total baby, which I sometimes inevitably act like. I am trying, but I can't speed up this healing process by over exerting myself and it's really hard on me and it frustrates me more than they can imagine. I look better some days, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to swell up again when the clock strikes 3 pm and I've been sitting for 5 hours. It doesn't mean that terrible punched-in-the-nose feeling isn't going to come back, which it inevitably does unexpectedly. And b/c I sneeze and yawn sometimes doesn't mean I'm better. It just means that I'm subjected a momentary increase in pain. I have to remember to keep my mouth open when I sneeze b/c it's less painful, but it's also messier.
I have to be cautious b/c I have to join society for some part of my day and if some unsuspecting person bumps me on the street when I'm feeling dizzy or unsure of my balance, then I'm the one who might fall and have to deal w/ the consequences if anything happens to my jaws/teeth. I'm not trying to be the pitiable nub-head who can't smile anymore.
I was told by two separate people today that it's sad to see me so subdued (and almost morose) b/c I'm usually so effusive and bubbly. I can't smile and I'm bothered by it. I try to ignore the painful spots du jour, but it's hard to ignore the fact that I can't smile when I talk to people. But lots of ppl have been asking me how I'm doing today, so I feel better, I feel like they care. So somthing to live for at work, eh? hahaha...
If only I can actually celebrate my birthday by eating next month...
...raving...
I guess this next bit is good news...Cigna told me they're taking care of the $40,000 hospital bill and I'll have to pay only $630 of that. They're actually paying only $24,500 and I guess they got the hospital to discount some things.
But I'm still holding my breath b/c that's only half the bills and who knows what Cigna's gonna do once my OS and anesthesiologist sends out their collection slips. I have no idea what it's going to be...it was a really long surgery, esp. for something like this. My doctor estimated 6 hours in pre-op and it went on for 4 extra hours. He could've done a whole separate surgery in that time! And if there were two anesthesiologists in there w/ me the whole time, it has to come out to at least $10,000 for their bill.
I hate suspense. In high school and middle school while all my friends were hoping we never got our tests back, I was the one wanting to see my grade and get it over with. I mean, if it's coming anyways, why delay and extend painful anticipation? I just want to see it so I can scream/yell/panic and find a way to take care of it asap.
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