I always have these really great thoughts that I want to record while brushing my teeth, or bathing, or falling asleep, or working, or talking
to someone, or watching TV, etc...and I never remember what those wonderful insights were when I sit down to blog. That's why I'm such a horrible blogger.
But I finally got the pictures on my camera transferred to my external hard drive! It's not on Picasa or on facebook yet but it's a step closer. I also got the pictures off my dad's cell phone from the surgery prep (pre-op) room and that single picture of me as the angry sea-monster after waking up and being moved to the ICU.
Down Memory LaneI wondered out loud w/ my mom about doctor's fees and how long it all took...how I thought I had forgotten how to tell time or that my eye sight was failing when I woke up and saw the clock in the OR. I was expecting to see something close to 2 pm but I saw something like 5:47 pm. My mom said it was about 6:30 pm when they were told I was moved to the ICU. She said at around 5:50 pm my surgeon came out and said I would be awake and moved to the ICU about 40 minutes after my surgery was over.
I think what I remember is waking up groggy and kinda feeling icky and squinting at the clock on the green-tiled wall of what I believe was the OR. I remember seeing the doctors who assisted w/ my surgery still in scrubs and caps and masks. They lifted me off the table by the sheet, just like on ER, and slid me on to the transporting stretcher. And maybe I fell asleep again b/c I remember being wheeled to the ICU but the one resident I met in the pre-op room, Dr. Mingkus (or something like it) was not in the same place as I remembered him when I woke up in the OR. I don't even know if I saw Dr. Heffez, my OS. When they slid me off the operating table I remember seeing a blond lady by my left leg who I saw in the pre-op room at around 6:30 am before all the residents went to their morning class before my operation. But when they were rolling me to the ICU, I don't think I saw her. I only saw her again the next day or that night when a bunch of them came for rounds. So maybe I did spend some time waking up in the recovery room, even though I don't remember any of it. I thought I woke up in the OR and was moved directly to the ICU. But once I was moved I was still out of it and sleepy.
I remember being proud of myself for remembering the words "nausea" and "hip" to indicate that I was feeling sick and that my hip hurt while they wheeled me to the ICU. I think I was told something before the doctors left me, and I remember thinking my nurse, Shruti's name was Trudy. I had heard wrong b/c of the cotton-in my ears and brains feeling but then later, after she brought me my morphine pump, I read her name tag.
My parents were brought to see me in my barely-alive state. I found that I not only could I not close my jaws, but that I also could not pull my lips closed. The fact that I didn't know where my nurse call-button and controls were added to my frustration and discomfort. I remember trying to tell my mom about everything/something but she kept telling me not to talk. My parents also kept looking at the screen showing my vitals and I kept on turning around to see it b/c it was behind my left shoulder. Every time I craned my sore, swollen neck to see the screen my mom told me not to and my heart rate would increase and the other beeps would get louder and more urgent. I remember thinking that my heart rate was way too fast...I think it was around 95 or 100 bpm. The sticky tabs they stuck to my chest while in pre-op that was now connected to the beeping machines.
Needless to say, I was tired but couldn't imagine going to sleep when my parents left at around 8 pm. I managed to find The Office on TV after my parents left but between pushing the morphine pump constantly and trying not to be bothered by the sounds of the commercials and the show itself, I didn't find any of it funny. I had lost my sense of humor in my half-dead state. Which was just as well b/c laughing or even smiling would have been painful and impossible.
I may have had the breathing tube in when I first woke I first woke up in the OR but it was gone by the time I came to and it was replaced w/ an oxygen tube w/ the two little nasal tubelettes that shot cool oxygenated air into my nose. The breathing tube may have been removed in recovery or as soon as I got to the ICU, before my parents were brought in. I just know my open lips and the tip of my nose was constantly slathered in some sort of ointment. My doctor had the nurses constantly reapply that stuff on my lips (I guess to help heal the gigantic, stretched corners of my mouth that looked more like a vertical set of extra lips...it was that red and puffed) and nose (for the wound on my nose from the breathing tube...I still have a scar by my right nostril). He threw it out when he came to see me in the regular room and said I should begin to use the Vaseline lip treatment that I got the day before surgery.
...continued on Wednesday, May 21, 2008...I used the Vaseline on my lips and nose for 2 weeks...until the nose healed, and I still use a little on my lips morning and night. But no more shining up my nose w/ it.
This is the one I use. I love it.
My doctor told me to get the stuff for lips, in a squeeze tube, not like the big jar but I use my finger to apply it anyways. I think maybe he didn't want me to get the stick-type lip balms b/c it would've been difficult and painful to use in the first few weeks when my whole face was swollen and sore. He also said not to get anything w/ Phenol in it, which is an acid that creates the slight numbing sensation, which feels good but doesn't help w/ healing, which is what we're aiming for. He recommended the Vaseline and I he approved of this one. I found everything else had phenol in it, except for maybe Burt's Bees.
New Vibes, New Senses!The corners of my mouth hurt and are sore. I think I had lost sensation in both corners of my mouth, not only the left side. This is my theory; I lost sensation on the left side of my lower lip, and the corner was also not working. But I had also lost feeling in the right corner of my lips, but didn't notice b/c the upper lip felt slightly dull and the right side of the lower lip felt fine. But now that the nerves are growing back, I am regaining some sensation in both corners of my lips and they feel raw. Like they were stretched and put through torture yesterday. It feels like there's a rash on either side. I know, not the best feeling in the world, but I'm still excited to feel something and to figure out what had happened.
I also have an almost constant feeling of a sticker stuck to the area just under where I can't feel anything on my lower lip. Kind of also on the edge of my left lower lip. And sometimes when I move, it also feels like there's a rash there. Increased pain, but growing nerves! Yipee!
Last night, by which I mean Tuesday, May 20th, I had the fullest meal since the surgery. I don't know if my stomach has grown smaller or if I never was able to finish a bowl of cold buckwheat noodles, Korean style.
It's called Naeng-myun, meaning cold-noodles in literal translation from Korean. It's like buckwheat vermacelli, so brown and speckled w/ teensy darker brown dots. I think they also pulverize the husks or something. It's pretty healthy, and it's eaten either w/ some spicy red pepper sauce (and raw fish, to make Hwe Naeng-myun), or, more popularly these days, in a clear, cold broth. Toppings of julienned cucumbers, pickled radish, sliced cold beef, sliced asian pears and half a hard-boiled egg cut length-wise are added as well as optional extra vinegar and mustard.
I had been craving the cold noodles since before the orthognatic surgery. But it was still way to cold to eat such a summery meal in March in Chicago this year. It wasn't spring yet.
I like the cold noodles and I remember a few weeks after I got home from my joint surgery, I my grandmother took my cousin and me to a Naeng-myun place. It was in Korea the summer I turned 14, and I was staying at my grandmother's place. My mom had gone out for the day on some business, meeting ppl and the like. I was left to rest. And at the neighborhood Naeng-myun place, my grandmother asked the waitress lady to cut my noodles into bits, explaining that I just had jaw joint surgery and couldn't chew. Koreans cut their noodles w/ scissors, and the waitresses come w/ kitchen scissors to the table and ask how many times you want your noodles cut, the standard is twice across, crisscrossed. She made mine into less than 1/2-inch pieces and when she left and we began to eat, I found that I couldn't use my chopsticks. So I used my spoon and drank the noodles and the broth, and I gave away my egg and the other toppings. I drank it all down and by the end of the bowl, my stomach was about to burst. Few people drink all the broth, b/c that is alot of liquid, esp. with the noodles and the toppings.
And last night was no exception, I asked for the scissors to be left with me and I didn't cut it quite so short, but I cut it into 1-inch pieces and used both my spoon and chop sticks to eat. It was really good, but by the time I got half way through it, I was really full. But b/c I had cut up all the noodles into such small pieces, I felt bad wasting it b/c my mom or my dad wouldn't want to eat the cut-up noodles when they had meat on the hot stone griddle and like 20 different condiments/side dishes to eat. So I ate most of it and I had indigestion last night.
And I was shivering and chilled b/c it rained last night and I had eaten cold noodles. And my right jaw hurt where the metal plate was screwed in. I was over-zealous in eating all my noodles. Never again. Next time I'll ask for a separate bowl and cut up only what I know I can handle. My lower right molars hurt too...I hope they didn't move around and hit the screws.
The pain lasted all night, and by this morning moved to my left joint and teeth.
So I decided to take it easy w/ food for a while. I keep remembering J's ordeal three years ago when her screws fell out and entire upper jaw detached. I don't want hardware problems and I don't want bone problems. And I don't like indigestion. It hurts and feels icky.
The
irony of the moment is that I had this surgery w/ dreams of being able to eat normally in public afterwards but I just turned down lunch w/ a new summer associate I met yesterday. It's their 3rd day and normally I would've met every single one of them, but on Monday evening I had a migraine so I skipped the beer and wine social to welcome all of them. And I stopped by the two summers' office on our floor yesterday on my way out at 4:30 pm. I left early b/c I was tired and in pain. And then went out to dinner w/ my parents and over eat and over-used my jaws and even choked on the noodles a couple times.
So instead of lunch w/ the new folks, I introduced other paralegals and suggested that he go to lunch w/ them and some younger associates. I would have loved to have joined them and Kate, one of the newer associates, promised that in a few weeks they'll take me. But there's no point in me going and watching other ppl eat right now. I already started slurping my mashed potatoes and pureed chicken salad out of my trusty Zip-n-Squeeze. I had explained to him and the other summer associate, whom I met at our firm's Christmas party last year, about my jaw surgery but I guess he didn't realize that I couldn't chew either.
Oh well, in a few weeks I'll ask them to go to lunch and maybe then I'll be able to eat in public w/out getting curious stares.
I also found that I still clench my teeth in my sleep. My mom doesn't think I grind my teeth anymore, which is great news, but I am pretty sure I still clench. I've caught myself at it a couple times already in the half-sleep of dawn.
My left jaw hurts. Where the jaw bone curves up into the joint into the condyle. The curb throbs. I don't like leaving work early and I have to be at a meeting after work today, but things are hurting too much right now.
I'm also sleepy...I've been tired since I woke up this morning. Maybe MSG in that cold noodle broth last night?
And another w/ the essix retainers...
I found that the ice cream sandwich was really great b/c the "cookie" parts were soft enough so that it could be mushed in my mouth by my tongue or be mixed in w/ slightly melted ice cream. But, I couldn't handle ice cream or any cold food for the first few weeks. It was wonderful when I could. But, I have not-so-great memories from when I had my wisdom teeth removed...of over-eating ice cream. So I don't eat it too often now.
