drumroll, please....
I've eaten pancakes! Twice! The first was at McDonald's, which I haven't been to in...possibly over a year. But their "hotcakes" were very soft and yummy w/ syrup.
And this morning, I ate part of a pancake from that food bar thing downstairs from my office building. It was a little crummy...in more than one sense. But I paid $2.50 for that single pancake (they weigh the food and charge an index finger per pound) so I attempted it. The "crust" was too hard, and I snapped an elastic band while eating it. I hoped it would last me the day. I don't have any at work...
...should I remove all of them and go w/out for one day? I don't want my bite being skewed b/c I'm only wearing elastics on one side...
So I've decided that since I'm up and walking around during breakfast hours at Micky-D's, I should go in and get just their hotcakes once a week. It'll be a treat for me until I can eat real food.
My main concern about food continues to be protein. I was never a big protein eater, but I am getting worried that I'm not getting enough of it b/c most proteins come in hard-to-eat formats like steak, cottage cheese, protein bars, eggs or in icky protein shakes. I have been fastidious in thinking about how to consume more protein but haven't been fastidious in trying out new ways. Scrambled eggs are doable now that I'm more capable of swallowing bigger bits of solids, but still a couple spoonfuls are about my limit before they get stuck in my braces or spat out.
My left joint area has been in alot of pain recently and I've reverted to sleeping w/ my hand pressed against whichever side jaw is on the pillow...
....later that night....
I was forced to work past 9 pm. I worked more today than I have any other day since the surgery. Over 10.5 hours! And it feels like I haven't slept in 2 or 3 days...even though that's not true. My body isn't really what it used to be, maybe in a few more months I'll get my energy back.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Week 7 post-op, FOOD
It is now week 7 post-op. Yay...
Pictures of my first real-looking meal. Pureed chicken noodle soup w/ a bit of pureed yu choy. Looked too good to be real at week 4.
Yum? I thought so. Progresso Chicken with Noodles and Vegetables, pureed w/ just a 1/4 slice of cold Provolone cheese, torn into itty, bitty bits. One sprig of cooked Yu Choy pureed w/ a touch of milk or chicken broth.
This picture shows the tiny dessert spoon I had to use and still use today b/c large spoons can barely squeeze into my mouth past the elastics and forks stab my lips/tongue/teeth and the tines get tangled in my elastics. The spoon is about as wide as my thumb. And I have very small hands.
Additionally...the next picture is from 5 weeks post-op.
Dessert. Half a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich w/ a dollop of Activia vanilla yogurt and some pureed strawberry bits mascerated in honey. Delicious and beautiful! It's sitting on a volume of The Bonfire of the Vanities, which is on my bed where I lived for several weeks after surgery.
Pictures of my first real-looking meal. Pureed chicken noodle soup w/ a bit of pureed yu choy. Looked too good to be real at week 4.
Yum? I thought so. Progresso Chicken with Noodles and Vegetables, pureed w/ just a 1/4 slice of cold Provolone cheese, torn into itty, bitty bits. One sprig of cooked Yu Choy pureed w/ a touch of milk or chicken broth.
This picture shows the tiny dessert spoon I had to use and still use today b/c large spoons can barely squeeze into my mouth past the elastics and forks stab my lips/tongue/teeth and the tines get tangled in my elastics. The spoon is about as wide as my thumb. And I have very small hands.
Additionally...the next picture is from 5 weeks post-op.
Dessert. Half a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich w/ a dollop of Activia vanilla yogurt and some pureed strawberry bits mascerated in honey. Delicious and beautiful! It's sitting on a volume of The Bonfire of the Vanities, which is on my bed where I lived for several weeks after surgery.
I found that the ice cream sandwich was really great b/c the "cookie" parts were soft enough so that it could be mushed in my mouth by my tongue or be mixed in w/ slightly melted ice cream. But, I couldn't handle ice cream or any cold food for the first few weeks. It was wonderful when I could. But, I have not-so-great memories from when I had my wisdom teeth removed...of over-eating ice cream. So I don't eat it too often now.
short update!
I can't see any more stitches or "hanging threads" when I lift my upper lip! That little slip of skin holding my lip to the top of my gums isn't straight and taught like my brother's. I keep on making him show me the inside of his mouth to see what's normal. It's a little squiggly, but it's not like a stitch that adhered to my gums and turned into skin so I'm happy. I think that was the last of the stitches. I kept on rinsing water through that area to encourage the threads to fall out...I guess that's that. :)
Happy to be rid of the residual stitches...after 7 weeks!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Memories...and New Vibrations
I always have these really great thoughts that I want to record while brushing my teeth, or bathing, or falling asleep, or working, or talking to someone, or watching TV, etc...and I never remember what those wonderful insights were when I sit down to blog. That's why I'm such a horrible blogger.
But I finally got the pictures on my camera transferred to my external hard drive! It's not on Picasa or on facebook yet but it's a step closer. I also got the pictures off my dad's cell phone from the surgery prep (pre-op) room and that single picture of me as the angry sea-monster after waking up and being moved to the ICU.
Down Memory Lane
I wondered out loud w/ my mom about doctor's fees and how long it all took...how I thought I had forgotten how to tell time or that my eye sight was failing when I woke up and saw the clock in the OR. I was expecting to see something close to 2 pm but I saw something like 5:47 pm. My mom said it was about 6:30 pm when they were told I was moved to the ICU. She said at around 5:50 pm my surgeon came out and said I would be awake and moved to the ICU about 40 minutes after my surgery was over.
I think what I remember is waking up groggy and kinda feeling icky and squinting at the clock on the green-tiled wall of what I believe was the OR. I remember seeing the doctors who assisted w/ my surgery still in scrubs and caps and masks. They lifted me off the table by the sheet, just like on ER, and slid me on to the transporting stretcher. And maybe I fell asleep again b/c I remember being wheeled to the ICU but the one resident I met in the pre-op room, Dr. Mingkus (or something like it) was not in the same place as I remembered him when I woke up in the OR. I don't even know if I saw Dr. Heffez, my OS. When they slid me off the operating table I remember seeing a blond lady by my left leg who I saw in the pre-op room at around 6:30 am before all the residents went to their morning class before my operation. But when they were rolling me to the ICU, I don't think I saw her. I only saw her again the next day or that night when a bunch of them came for rounds. So maybe I did spend some time waking up in the recovery room, even though I don't remember any of it. I thought I woke up in the OR and was moved directly to the ICU. But once I was moved I was still out of it and sleepy.
I remember being proud of myself for remembering the words "nausea" and "hip" to indicate that I was feeling sick and that my hip hurt while they wheeled me to the ICU. I think I was told something before the doctors left me, and I remember thinking my nurse, Shruti's name was Trudy. I had heard wrong b/c of the cotton-in my ears and brains feeling but then later, after she brought me my morphine pump, I read her name tag.
My parents were brought to see me in my barely-alive state. I found that I not only could I not close my jaws, but that I also could not pull my lips closed. The fact that I didn't know where my nurse call-button and controls were added to my frustration and discomfort. I remember trying to tell my mom about everything/something but she kept telling me not to talk. My parents also kept looking at the screen showing my vitals and I kept on turning around to see it b/c it was behind my left shoulder. Every time I craned my sore, swollen neck to see the screen my mom told me not to and my heart rate would increase and the other beeps would get louder and more urgent. I remember thinking that my heart rate was way too fast...I think it was around 95 or 100 bpm. The sticky tabs they stuck to my chest while in pre-op that was now connected to the beeping machines.
Needless to say, I was tired but couldn't imagine going to sleep when my parents left at around 8 pm. I managed to find The Office on TV after my parents left but between pushing the morphine pump constantly and trying not to be bothered by the sounds of the commercials and the show itself, I didn't find any of it funny. I had lost my sense of humor in my half-dead state. Which was just as well b/c laughing or even smiling would have been painful and impossible.
I may have had the breathing tube in when I first woke I first woke up in the OR but it was gone by the time I came to and it was replaced w/ an oxygen tube w/ the two little nasal tubelettes that shot cool oxygenated air into my nose. The breathing tube may have been removed in recovery or as soon as I got to the ICU, before my parents were brought in. I just know my open lips and the tip of my nose was constantly slathered in some sort of ointment. My doctor had the nurses constantly reapply that stuff on my lips (I guess to help heal the gigantic, stretched corners of my mouth that looked more like a vertical set of extra lips...it was that red and puffed) and nose (for the wound on my nose from the breathing tube...I still have a scar by my right nostril). He threw it out when he came to see me in the regular room and said I should begin to use the Vaseline lip treatment that I got the day before surgery.
...continued on Wednesday, May 21, 2008...
I used the Vaseline on my lips and nose for 2 weeks...until the nose healed, and I still use a little on my lips morning and night. But no more shining up my nose w/ it.
This is the one I use. I love it.
My doctor told me to get the stuff for lips, in a squeeze tube, not like the big jar but I use my finger to apply it anyways. I think maybe he didn't want me to get the stick-type lip balms b/c it would've been difficult and painful to use in the first few weeks when my whole face was swollen and sore. He also said not to get anything w/ Phenol in it, which is an acid that creates the slight numbing sensation, which feels good but doesn't help w/ healing, which is what we're aiming for. He recommended the Vaseline and I he approved of this one. I found everything else had phenol in it, except for maybe Burt's Bees.
New Vibes, New Senses!
The corners of my mouth hurt and are sore. I think I had lost sensation in both corners of my mouth, not only the left side. This is my theory; I lost sensation on the left side of my lower lip, and the corner was also not working. But I had also lost feeling in the right corner of my lips, but didn't notice b/c the upper lip felt slightly dull and the right side of the lower lip felt fine. But now that the nerves are growing back, I am regaining some sensation in both corners of my lips and they feel raw. Like they were stretched and put through torture yesterday. It feels like there's a rash on either side. I know, not the best feeling in the world, but I'm still excited to feel something and to figure out what had happened.
I also have an almost constant feeling of a sticker stuck to the area just under where I can't feel anything on my lower lip. Kind of also on the edge of my left lower lip. And sometimes when I move, it also feels like there's a rash there. Increased pain, but growing nerves! Yipee!
Last night, by which I mean Tuesday, May 20th, I had the fullest meal since the surgery. I don't know if my stomach has grown smaller or if I never was able to finish a bowl of cold buckwheat noodles, Korean style.
It's called Naeng-myun, meaning cold-noodles in literal translation from Korean. It's like buckwheat vermacelli, so brown and speckled w/ teensy darker brown dots. I think they also pulverize the husks or something. It's pretty healthy, and it's eaten either w/ some spicy red pepper sauce (and raw fish, to make Hwe Naeng-myun), or, more popularly these days, in a clear, cold broth. Toppings of julienned cucumbers, pickled radish, sliced cold beef, sliced asian pears and half a hard-boiled egg cut length-wise are added as well as optional extra vinegar and mustard.
I had been craving the cold noodles since before the orthognatic surgery. But it was still way to cold to eat such a summery meal in March in Chicago this year. It wasn't spring yet.
I like the cold noodles and I remember a few weeks after I got home from my joint surgery, I my grandmother took my cousin and me to a Naeng-myun place. It was in Korea the summer I turned 14, and I was staying at my grandmother's place. My mom had gone out for the day on some business, meeting ppl and the like. I was left to rest. And at the neighborhood Naeng-myun place, my grandmother asked the waitress lady to cut my noodles into bits, explaining that I just had jaw joint surgery and couldn't chew. Koreans cut their noodles w/ scissors, and the waitresses come w/ kitchen scissors to the table and ask how many times you want your noodles cut, the standard is twice across, crisscrossed. She made mine into less than 1/2-inch pieces and when she left and we began to eat, I found that I couldn't use my chopsticks. So I used my spoon and drank the noodles and the broth, and I gave away my egg and the other toppings. I drank it all down and by the end of the bowl, my stomach was about to burst. Few people drink all the broth, b/c that is alot of liquid, esp. with the noodles and the toppings.
And last night was no exception, I asked for the scissors to be left with me and I didn't cut it quite so short, but I cut it into 1-inch pieces and used both my spoon and chop sticks to eat. It was really good, but by the time I got half way through it, I was really full. But b/c I had cut up all the noodles into such small pieces, I felt bad wasting it b/c my mom or my dad wouldn't want to eat the cut-up noodles when they had meat on the hot stone griddle and like 20 different condiments/side dishes to eat. So I ate most of it and I had indigestion last night.
And I was shivering and chilled b/c it rained last night and I had eaten cold noodles. And my right jaw hurt where the metal plate was screwed in. I was over-zealous in eating all my noodles. Never again. Next time I'll ask for a separate bowl and cut up only what I know I can handle. My lower right molars hurt too...I hope they didn't move around and hit the screws.
The pain lasted all night, and by this morning moved to my left joint and teeth.
So I decided to take it easy w/ food for a while. I keep remembering J's ordeal three years ago when her screws fell out and entire upper jaw detached. I don't want hardware problems and I don't want bone problems. And I don't like indigestion. It hurts and feels icky.
The irony of the moment is that I had this surgery w/ dreams of being able to eat normally in public afterwards but I just turned down lunch w/ a new summer associate I met yesterday. It's their 3rd day and normally I would've met every single one of them, but on Monday evening I had a migraine so I skipped the beer and wine social to welcome all of them. And I stopped by the two summers' office on our floor yesterday on my way out at 4:30 pm. I left early b/c I was tired and in pain. And then went out to dinner w/ my parents and over eat and over-used my jaws and even choked on the noodles a couple times.
So instead of lunch w/ the new folks, I introduced other paralegals and suggested that he go to lunch w/ them and some younger associates. I would have loved to have joined them and Kate, one of the newer associates, promised that in a few weeks they'll take me. But there's no point in me going and watching other ppl eat right now. I already started slurping my mashed potatoes and pureed chicken salad out of my trusty Zip-n-Squeeze. I had explained to him and the other summer associate, whom I met at our firm's Christmas party last year, about my jaw surgery but I guess he didn't realize that I couldn't chew either.
Oh well, in a few weeks I'll ask them to go to lunch and maybe then I'll be able to eat in public w/out getting curious stares.
I also found that I still clench my teeth in my sleep. My mom doesn't think I grind my teeth anymore, which is great news, but I am pretty sure I still clench. I've caught myself at it a couple times already in the half-sleep of dawn.
My left jaw hurts. Where the jaw bone curves up into the joint into the condyle. The curb throbs. I don't like leaving work early and I have to be at a meeting after work today, but things are hurting too much right now.
I'm also sleepy...I've been tired since I woke up this morning. Maybe MSG in that cold noodle broth last night?
But I finally got the pictures on my camera transferred to my external hard drive! It's not on Picasa or on facebook yet but it's a step closer. I also got the pictures off my dad's cell phone from the surgery prep (pre-op) room and that single picture of me as the angry sea-monster after waking up and being moved to the ICU.
Down Memory Lane
I wondered out loud w/ my mom about doctor's fees and how long it all took...how I thought I had forgotten how to tell time or that my eye sight was failing when I woke up and saw the clock in the OR. I was expecting to see something close to 2 pm but I saw something like 5:47 pm. My mom said it was about 6:30 pm when they were told I was moved to the ICU. She said at around 5:50 pm my surgeon came out and said I would be awake and moved to the ICU about 40 minutes after my surgery was over.
I think what I remember is waking up groggy and kinda feeling icky and squinting at the clock on the green-tiled wall of what I believe was the OR. I remember seeing the doctors who assisted w/ my surgery still in scrubs and caps and masks. They lifted me off the table by the sheet, just like on ER, and slid me on to the transporting stretcher. And maybe I fell asleep again b/c I remember being wheeled to the ICU but the one resident I met in the pre-op room, Dr. Mingkus (or something like it) was not in the same place as I remembered him when I woke up in the OR. I don't even know if I saw Dr. Heffez, my OS. When they slid me off the operating table I remember seeing a blond lady by my left leg who I saw in the pre-op room at around 6:30 am before all the residents went to their morning class before my operation. But when they were rolling me to the ICU, I don't think I saw her. I only saw her again the next day or that night when a bunch of them came for rounds. So maybe I did spend some time waking up in the recovery room, even though I don't remember any of it. I thought I woke up in the OR and was moved directly to the ICU. But once I was moved I was still out of it and sleepy.
I remember being proud of myself for remembering the words "nausea" and "hip" to indicate that I was feeling sick and that my hip hurt while they wheeled me to the ICU. I think I was told something before the doctors left me, and I remember thinking my nurse, Shruti's name was Trudy. I had heard wrong b/c of the cotton-in my ears and brains feeling but then later, after she brought me my morphine pump, I read her name tag.
My parents were brought to see me in my barely-alive state. I found that I not only could I not close my jaws, but that I also could not pull my lips closed. The fact that I didn't know where my nurse call-button and controls were added to my frustration and discomfort. I remember trying to tell my mom about everything/something but she kept telling me not to talk. My parents also kept looking at the screen showing my vitals and I kept on turning around to see it b/c it was behind my left shoulder. Every time I craned my sore, swollen neck to see the screen my mom told me not to and my heart rate would increase and the other beeps would get louder and more urgent. I remember thinking that my heart rate was way too fast...I think it was around 95 or 100 bpm. The sticky tabs they stuck to my chest while in pre-op that was now connected to the beeping machines.
Needless to say, I was tired but couldn't imagine going to sleep when my parents left at around 8 pm. I managed to find The Office on TV after my parents left but between pushing the morphine pump constantly and trying not to be bothered by the sounds of the commercials and the show itself, I didn't find any of it funny. I had lost my sense of humor in my half-dead state. Which was just as well b/c laughing or even smiling would have been painful and impossible.
I may have had the breathing tube in when I first woke I first woke up in the OR but it was gone by the time I came to and it was replaced w/ an oxygen tube w/ the two little nasal tubelettes that shot cool oxygenated air into my nose. The breathing tube may have been removed in recovery or as soon as I got to the ICU, before my parents were brought in. I just know my open lips and the tip of my nose was constantly slathered in some sort of ointment. My doctor had the nurses constantly reapply that stuff on my lips (I guess to help heal the gigantic, stretched corners of my mouth that looked more like a vertical set of extra lips...it was that red and puffed) and nose (for the wound on my nose from the breathing tube...I still have a scar by my right nostril). He threw it out when he came to see me in the regular room and said I should begin to use the Vaseline lip treatment that I got the day before surgery.
...continued on Wednesday, May 21, 2008...
I used the Vaseline on my lips and nose for 2 weeks...until the nose healed, and I still use a little on my lips morning and night. But no more shining up my nose w/ it.
This is the one I use. I love it.
My doctor told me to get the stuff for lips, in a squeeze tube, not like the big jar but I use my finger to apply it anyways. I think maybe he didn't want me to get the stick-type lip balms b/c it would've been difficult and painful to use in the first few weeks when my whole face was swollen and sore. He also said not to get anything w/ Phenol in it, which is an acid that creates the slight numbing sensation, which feels good but doesn't help w/ healing, which is what we're aiming for. He recommended the Vaseline and I he approved of this one. I found everything else had phenol in it, except for maybe Burt's Bees.
New Vibes, New Senses!
The corners of my mouth hurt and are sore. I think I had lost sensation in both corners of my mouth, not only the left side. This is my theory; I lost sensation on the left side of my lower lip, and the corner was also not working. But I had also lost feeling in the right corner of my lips, but didn't notice b/c the upper lip felt slightly dull and the right side of the lower lip felt fine. But now that the nerves are growing back, I am regaining some sensation in both corners of my lips and they feel raw. Like they were stretched and put through torture yesterday. It feels like there's a rash on either side. I know, not the best feeling in the world, but I'm still excited to feel something and to figure out what had happened.
I also have an almost constant feeling of a sticker stuck to the area just under where I can't feel anything on my lower lip. Kind of also on the edge of my left lower lip. And sometimes when I move, it also feels like there's a rash there. Increased pain, but growing nerves! Yipee!
Last night, by which I mean Tuesday, May 20th, I had the fullest meal since the surgery. I don't know if my stomach has grown smaller or if I never was able to finish a bowl of cold buckwheat noodles, Korean style.
It's called Naeng-myun, meaning cold-noodles in literal translation from Korean. It's like buckwheat vermacelli, so brown and speckled w/ teensy darker brown dots. I think they also pulverize the husks or something. It's pretty healthy, and it's eaten either w/ some spicy red pepper sauce (and raw fish, to make Hwe Naeng-myun), or, more popularly these days, in a clear, cold broth. Toppings of julienned cucumbers, pickled radish, sliced cold beef, sliced asian pears and half a hard-boiled egg cut length-wise are added as well as optional extra vinegar and mustard.
I had been craving the cold noodles since before the orthognatic surgery. But it was still way to cold to eat such a summery meal in March in Chicago this year. It wasn't spring yet.
I like the cold noodles and I remember a few weeks after I got home from my joint surgery, I my grandmother took my cousin and me to a Naeng-myun place. It was in Korea the summer I turned 14, and I was staying at my grandmother's place. My mom had gone out for the day on some business, meeting ppl and the like. I was left to rest. And at the neighborhood Naeng-myun place, my grandmother asked the waitress lady to cut my noodles into bits, explaining that I just had jaw joint surgery and couldn't chew. Koreans cut their noodles w/ scissors, and the waitresses come w/ kitchen scissors to the table and ask how many times you want your noodles cut, the standard is twice across, crisscrossed. She made mine into less than 1/2-inch pieces and when she left and we began to eat, I found that I couldn't use my chopsticks. So I used my spoon and drank the noodles and the broth, and I gave away my egg and the other toppings. I drank it all down and by the end of the bowl, my stomach was about to burst. Few people drink all the broth, b/c that is alot of liquid, esp. with the noodles and the toppings.
And last night was no exception, I asked for the scissors to be left with me and I didn't cut it quite so short, but I cut it into 1-inch pieces and used both my spoon and chop sticks to eat. It was really good, but by the time I got half way through it, I was really full. But b/c I had cut up all the noodles into such small pieces, I felt bad wasting it b/c my mom or my dad wouldn't want to eat the cut-up noodles when they had meat on the hot stone griddle and like 20 different condiments/side dishes to eat. So I ate most of it and I had indigestion last night.
And I was shivering and chilled b/c it rained last night and I had eaten cold noodles. And my right jaw hurt where the metal plate was screwed in. I was over-zealous in eating all my noodles. Never again. Next time I'll ask for a separate bowl and cut up only what I know I can handle. My lower right molars hurt too...I hope they didn't move around and hit the screws.
The pain lasted all night, and by this morning moved to my left joint and teeth.
So I decided to take it easy w/ food for a while. I keep remembering J's ordeal three years ago when her screws fell out and entire upper jaw detached. I don't want hardware problems and I don't want bone problems. And I don't like indigestion. It hurts and feels icky.
The irony of the moment is that I had this surgery w/ dreams of being able to eat normally in public afterwards but I just turned down lunch w/ a new summer associate I met yesterday. It's their 3rd day and normally I would've met every single one of them, but on Monday evening I had a migraine so I skipped the beer and wine social to welcome all of them. And I stopped by the two summers' office on our floor yesterday on my way out at 4:30 pm. I left early b/c I was tired and in pain. And then went out to dinner w/ my parents and over eat and over-used my jaws and even choked on the noodles a couple times.
So instead of lunch w/ the new folks, I introduced other paralegals and suggested that he go to lunch w/ them and some younger associates. I would have loved to have joined them and Kate, one of the newer associates, promised that in a few weeks they'll take me. But there's no point in me going and watching other ppl eat right now. I already started slurping my mashed potatoes and pureed chicken salad out of my trusty Zip-n-Squeeze. I had explained to him and the other summer associate, whom I met at our firm's Christmas party last year, about my jaw surgery but I guess he didn't realize that I couldn't chew either.
Oh well, in a few weeks I'll ask them to go to lunch and maybe then I'll be able to eat in public w/out getting curious stares.
I also found that I still clench my teeth in my sleep. My mom doesn't think I grind my teeth anymore, which is great news, but I am pretty sure I still clench. I've caught myself at it a couple times already in the half-sleep of dawn.
My left jaw hurts. Where the jaw bone curves up into the joint into the condyle. The curb throbs. I don't like leaving work early and I have to be at a meeting after work today, but things are hurting too much right now.
I'm also sleepy...I've been tired since I woke up this morning. Maybe MSG in that cold noodle broth last night?
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Some Updates, Thoughts and Food Ideas
Just some updates:
If I didn't insert spaces via "ctrl+v" then thisiswhatmysentenceswouldlooklike. I think when I drooled into my keyboard, my spacebar's link to the controls were zapped. Ooops. But at least everything else seems to work!
So, I type very slow now.
On Wednesday morning, after brushing my teeth, I noticed that my midlines have drifted about 2 mm away from each other. To me, it looked as if my lower jaw had shifted 2 mm over to the right. Right, BIG SHOCK. Huge Dissappointment and fear and anger at the situation. So I e-mailed my doctor while at work and waited...and he replied and wanted to see me on Thursday. Big relief. So at 3 pm, Thursday, I went in for an emergency follow-up. And the OS determined that it's only a shift of the teeth, not the jaws actually moving. I was so relieved. So I'll take a couple pictures to post. I took a couple pictures at work with my cell phone after reading the e-mail from my doctor, but I think I'll prefer pictures taken with my real camera.
Some more good news is that my doctor has released me to the pancake houses. He said I can try spaghetti and pancakes and the like. I'm pretty excited about pancakes. I haven't tried them yet but I can't wait! I opened my can of Spaghetti-O's today and was sorely dissappointed in the taste. I'm pretty sure I didn't eat it as a child and didn't eat much canned foods since my mom was a pretty good cook and a health-nut who didn't believe in canned foods for even occasional consumption when fresh-cooked food was avaliable.I now agree with her. I didn't then. But I really don't understand what's so great about Spaghetti-O's. It was pretty nasty and bland. I'll probably eat the other half later, but only after I find a way to remedy the taste, or the lack thereof.
In other news, I went to my first "social" event since my surgery on Thursday! Btw, Thursday marked week 6 exactly. I went to the Korean-American Bar Association of Chicago's Annual Banquet. I didn't drink any drinks or eat the dinner, but I had gone for the keynote speaker, Yul Kwon, the winner of Survivor Cook Islands. He was pretty cool and amazingly smart and insightful. He was also very driven, passionate and sensitive to many issues concerning Asian Americans. And I obtained his e-maile address. He's engaged. So it wasn't for stalking reasons, trust me. The lucky lady isn't Becky Lee (?), one of his co-Survivor friends. But it's for future networking. I let him know that I had jaw surgery 6 weeks ago so he doesn't think me speech-impaired. I find that I sound muffled even when I try to talk w/ my mouth open, etc. I ate the scalloped potatoes, mashed w/ my fork and I ate the custard filling of two fruit tarts, leaving two cookie-based tart shells and pineapple, kiwi and mandarine sections. I mashed a few mandarine sections and slivers of kiwi and they were so good...I miss fresh fruit.
And, I, Grace Ha, who never wins anything, won a raffle prize! A $25 gift certificate to some restaurant! I don't have it yet but Charles Kim, president of KABA and a partner at the firm I work for, also a fellow alumni of Duke University, promised he'll bring it to me on Monday. Yipee! I was so excited, I jumped up from my seat. My doctor had said earlier that same afternoon that I'm still ordered off aerobic exercise and similar activities. Jumping and running were out...but it was involuntary. I was just really happy.
...Updates on Sunday...
I tried, at the suggestion of another ortho-sufferer, vanilla ice cream with apple sauce! Deeeeelicious! She said it would taste like apple pie a la mode, and maybe so...I just thought it was great and tasted of summer. I bought Brown Sugar Vanilla ice cream. YUUMMMM....
I also tried vanilla yogurt w/ apple sauce. Less cold, less sweet, more healthy. It tastes a little different but still really good. Maybe w/ a dash of cinnamon it'll be better. I still haven't tried pancakes yet, but I think that'll be a real treat. Noodles were a dissappointment in the past two days, especially the canned Spaghetti-O's. Yuck. I think the over-cooked Udon noodles were pretty good and I even felt pretty full after eating just some of it.
I find that the space between my upper and lower molars is too large for proper chewing. Or maybe, my senseless upper teeth just can't do their thing well enough to masticate soggy food particles. Either way, I'll have to learn how to eat solids again. Kinda like a 2-yr-old.
If I didn't insert spaces via "ctrl+v" then thisiswhatmysentenceswouldlooklike. I think when I drooled into my keyboard, my spacebar's link to the controls were zapped. Ooops. But at least everything else seems to work!
So, I type very slow now.
On Wednesday morning, after brushing my teeth, I noticed that my midlines have drifted about 2 mm away from each other. To me, it looked as if my lower jaw had shifted 2 mm over to the right. Right, BIG SHOCK. Huge Dissappointment and fear and anger at the situation. So I e-mailed my doctor while at work and waited...and he replied and wanted to see me on Thursday. Big relief. So at 3 pm, Thursday, I went in for an emergency follow-up. And the OS determined that it's only a shift of the teeth, not the jaws actually moving. I was so relieved. So I'll take a couple pictures to post. I took a couple pictures at work with my cell phone after reading the e-mail from my doctor, but I think I'll prefer pictures taken with my real camera.
Some more good news is that my doctor has released me to the pancake houses. He said I can try spaghetti and pancakes and the like. I'm pretty excited about pancakes. I haven't tried them yet but I can't wait! I opened my can of Spaghetti-O's today and was sorely dissappointed in the taste. I'm pretty sure I didn't eat it as a child and didn't eat much canned foods since my mom was a pretty good cook and a health-nut who didn't believe in canned foods for even occasional consumption when fresh-cooked food was avaliable.I now agree with her. I didn't then. But I really don't understand what's so great about Spaghetti-O's. It was pretty nasty and bland. I'll probably eat the other half later, but only after I find a way to remedy the taste, or the lack thereof.
In other news, I went to my first "social" event since my surgery on Thursday! Btw, Thursday marked week 6 exactly. I went to the Korean-American Bar Association of Chicago's Annual Banquet. I didn't drink any drinks or eat the dinner, but I had gone for the keynote speaker, Yul Kwon, the winner of Survivor Cook Islands. He was pretty cool and amazingly smart and insightful. He was also very driven, passionate and sensitive to many issues concerning Asian Americans. And I obtained his e-maile address. He's engaged. So it wasn't for stalking reasons, trust me. The lucky lady isn't Becky Lee (?), one of his co-Survivor friends. But it's for future networking. I let him know that I had jaw surgery 6 weeks ago so he doesn't think me speech-impaired. I find that I sound muffled even when I try to talk w/ my mouth open, etc. I ate the scalloped potatoes, mashed w/ my fork and I ate the custard filling of two fruit tarts, leaving two cookie-based tart shells and pineapple, kiwi and mandarine sections. I mashed a few mandarine sections and slivers of kiwi and they were so good...I miss fresh fruit.
And, I, Grace Ha, who never wins anything, won a raffle prize! A $25 gift certificate to some restaurant! I don't have it yet but Charles Kim, president of KABA and a partner at the firm I work for, also a fellow alumni of Duke University, promised he'll bring it to me on Monday. Yipee! I was so excited, I jumped up from my seat. My doctor had said earlier that same afternoon that I'm still ordered off aerobic exercise and similar activities. Jumping and running were out...but it was involuntary. I was just really happy.
...Updates on Sunday...
I tried, at the suggestion of another ortho-sufferer, vanilla ice cream with apple sauce! Deeeeelicious! She said it would taste like apple pie a la mode, and maybe so...I just thought it was great and tasted of summer. I bought Brown Sugar Vanilla ice cream. YUUMMMM....
I also tried vanilla yogurt w/ apple sauce. Less cold, less sweet, more healthy. It tastes a little different but still really good. Maybe w/ a dash of cinnamon it'll be better. I still haven't tried pancakes yet, but I think that'll be a real treat. Noodles were a dissappointment in the past two days, especially the canned Spaghetti-O's. Yuck. I think the over-cooked Udon noodles were pretty good and I even felt pretty full after eating just some of it.
I find that the space between my upper and lower molars is too large for proper chewing. Or maybe, my senseless upper teeth just can't do their thing well enough to masticate soggy food particles. Either way, I'll have to learn how to eat solids again. Kinda like a 2-yr-old.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Small Victory...or just a mile-marker. Some ranting and a little raving.
I am finally done w/ my Doxy stint! I am free of the inhibiting morning-sickness and evening-sickness of the doxycycline hycate! Yipee!
It feels like a small victory, although approaching week 6 post-op, everything seems to go by at a snail's pace. I promised my friend that we'll return to that pancake house we loved before she moves back to NC at the end of June to write her dissertation for her doctorate. I heard pancakes are fairly easy soft-foods...once I reach that state. I feel like this pureed food stuff has gone on forever.
But a lady named "J" who's been giving me food ideas e-mailed me yesterday about her 3 surgeries b/c she was trying to get ahead of herself. She had her upper jaw operated on, and b/c she speaks to ppl for a living, went back to work 3 weeks and 3 days post-op and b/c she talked so much a screw or two came loose and that was really, really painful. So she had the smaller operation to remove the hardware (not sure how long post- first op). And then her jaw began to hurt again, and so she went in for x-rays, scans, etc and her doctor noticed her jaw was moving...of course a bad sign. And they thought maybe one side got detached in the back, but an exploratory proved that her upper jaw was free-hanging/floating and totally detached on both sides! So she asked for dissolving hardware and went in for surgery #3. It was a more complicated surgery w/ bone cadaver and paste and reinforcements. And she sat and did nothing for 5 weeks after that. She was on full bed rest, not even stuff on the computer...that was 3 years ago for her.
She told me to take it slow, only start on the next level of food when the doctor says I can and I feel like I can. I don't want to go through what she did...that's pure, hellish punishment.
I tried chewing a piece of jello on Sunday night...and that hurt/felt really odd and unstable. So maybe that's a sign that I need to lay off and act like I have no teeth for another couple weeks. Another lesson in patience.
When I tore ligaments in my left wrist and right middle finger, I refused to see a doctor for a month and lived w/ lots of pain and a make-shift tether for my finger that made typing impossible. And then I couldn't waste time w/ occupational therapy b/c I was going to trial for a whole month in Iowa. So by the time I finally started therapy, it was 2 months after the injury and was so scared my doctor would want to operate...so, as not to make things worse than they are...I need to have patience.
...ranting...
It's not that I miss food so very, very much, which I do, but it's more that it's an inconvenience to me. Like my life feels like it's being kept in an incubator and I'm only allowed limited supervised visits outside of this incubation.
I also don't want ppl around me to think that I'm being a total baby, which I sometimes inevitably act like. I am trying, but I can't speed up this healing process by over exerting myself and it's really hard on me and it frustrates me more than they can imagine. I look better some days, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to swell up again when the clock strikes 3 pm and I've been sitting for 5 hours. It doesn't mean that terrible punched-in-the-nose feeling isn't going to come back, which it inevitably does unexpectedly. And b/c I sneeze and yawn sometimes doesn't mean I'm better. It just means that I'm subjected a momentary increase in pain. I have to remember to keep my mouth open when I sneeze b/c it's less painful, but it's also messier.
I have to be cautious b/c I have to join society for some part of my day and if some unsuspecting person bumps me on the street when I'm feeling dizzy or unsure of my balance, then I'm the one who might fall and have to deal w/ the consequences if anything happens to my jaws/teeth. I'm not trying to be the pitiable nub-head who can't smile anymore.
I was told by two separate people today that it's sad to see me so subdued (and almost morose) b/c I'm usually so effusive and bubbly. I can't smile and I'm bothered by it. I try to ignore the painful spots du jour, but it's hard to ignore the fact that I can't smile when I talk to people. But lots of ppl have been asking me how I'm doing today, so I feel better, I feel like they care. So somthing to live for at work, eh? hahaha...
If only I can actually celebrate my birthday by eating next month...
...raving...
I guess this next bit is good news...Cigna told me they're taking care of the $40,000 hospital bill and I'll have to pay only $630 of that. They're actually paying only $24,500 and I guess they got the hospital to discount some things.
But I'm still holding my breath b/c that's only half the bills and who knows what Cigna's gonna do once my OS and anesthesiologist sends out their collection slips. I have no idea what it's going to be...it was a really long surgery, esp. for something like this. My doctor estimated 6 hours in pre-op and it went on for 4 extra hours. He could've done a whole separate surgery in that time! And if there were two anesthesiologists in there w/ me the whole time, it has to come out to at least $10,000 for their bill.
I hate suspense. In high school and middle school while all my friends were hoping we never got our tests back, I was the one wanting to see my grade and get it over with. I mean, if it's coming anyways, why delay and extend painful anticipation? I just want to see it so I can scream/yell/panic and find a way to take care of it asap.
It feels like a small victory, although approaching week 6 post-op, everything seems to go by at a snail's pace. I promised my friend that we'll return to that pancake house we loved before she moves back to NC at the end of June to write her dissertation for her doctorate. I heard pancakes are fairly easy soft-foods...once I reach that state. I feel like this pureed food stuff has gone on forever.
But a lady named "J" who's been giving me food ideas e-mailed me yesterday about her 3 surgeries b/c she was trying to get ahead of herself. She had her upper jaw operated on, and b/c she speaks to ppl for a living, went back to work 3 weeks and 3 days post-op and b/c she talked so much a screw or two came loose and that was really, really painful. So she had the smaller operation to remove the hardware (not sure how long post- first op). And then her jaw began to hurt again, and so she went in for x-rays, scans, etc and her doctor noticed her jaw was moving...of course a bad sign. And they thought maybe one side got detached in the back, but an exploratory proved that her upper jaw was free-hanging/floating and totally detached on both sides! So she asked for dissolving hardware and went in for surgery #3. It was a more complicated surgery w/ bone cadaver and paste and reinforcements. And she sat and did nothing for 5 weeks after that. She was on full bed rest, not even stuff on the computer...that was 3 years ago for her.
She told me to take it slow, only start on the next level of food when the doctor says I can and I feel like I can. I don't want to go through what she did...that's pure, hellish punishment.
I tried chewing a piece of jello on Sunday night...and that hurt/felt really odd and unstable. So maybe that's a sign that I need to lay off and act like I have no teeth for another couple weeks. Another lesson in patience.
When I tore ligaments in my left wrist and right middle finger, I refused to see a doctor for a month and lived w/ lots of pain and a make-shift tether for my finger that made typing impossible. And then I couldn't waste time w/ occupational therapy b/c I was going to trial for a whole month in Iowa. So by the time I finally started therapy, it was 2 months after the injury and was so scared my doctor would want to operate...so, as not to make things worse than they are...I need to have patience.
...ranting...
It's not that I miss food so very, very much, which I do, but it's more that it's an inconvenience to me. Like my life feels like it's being kept in an incubator and I'm only allowed limited supervised visits outside of this incubation.
I also don't want ppl around me to think that I'm being a total baby, which I sometimes inevitably act like. I am trying, but I can't speed up this healing process by over exerting myself and it's really hard on me and it frustrates me more than they can imagine. I look better some days, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to swell up again when the clock strikes 3 pm and I've been sitting for 5 hours. It doesn't mean that terrible punched-in-the-nose feeling isn't going to come back, which it inevitably does unexpectedly. And b/c I sneeze and yawn sometimes doesn't mean I'm better. It just means that I'm subjected a momentary increase in pain. I have to remember to keep my mouth open when I sneeze b/c it's less painful, but it's also messier.
I have to be cautious b/c I have to join society for some part of my day and if some unsuspecting person bumps me on the street when I'm feeling dizzy or unsure of my balance, then I'm the one who might fall and have to deal w/ the consequences if anything happens to my jaws/teeth. I'm not trying to be the pitiable nub-head who can't smile anymore.
I was told by two separate people today that it's sad to see me so subdued (and almost morose) b/c I'm usually so effusive and bubbly. I can't smile and I'm bothered by it. I try to ignore the painful spots du jour, but it's hard to ignore the fact that I can't smile when I talk to people. But lots of ppl have been asking me how I'm doing today, so I feel better, I feel like they care. So somthing to live for at work, eh? hahaha...
If only I can actually celebrate my birthday by eating next month...
...raving...
I guess this next bit is good news...Cigna told me they're taking care of the $40,000 hospital bill and I'll have to pay only $630 of that. They're actually paying only $24,500 and I guess they got the hospital to discount some things.
But I'm still holding my breath b/c that's only half the bills and who knows what Cigna's gonna do once my OS and anesthesiologist sends out their collection slips. I have no idea what it's going to be...it was a really long surgery, esp. for something like this. My doctor estimated 6 hours in pre-op and it went on for 4 extra hours. He could've done a whole separate surgery in that time! And if there were two anesthesiologists in there w/ me the whole time, it has to come out to at least $10,000 for their bill.
I hate suspense. In high school and middle school while all my friends were hoping we never got our tests back, I was the one wanting to see my grade and get it over with. I mean, if it's coming anyways, why delay and extend painful anticipation? I just want to see it so I can scream/yell/panic and find a way to take care of it asap.
Monday, May 12, 2008
drool and pictures update
I was about to turn off my computer and turn in so that I'll be ready for the big day ahead. Given that I've burned through most of my paid time off (PTO) from work, I really need to gear up for longer days, if not full days, at work.
With my newly acquired Zip n Squeeze bags (4 extra-long puree bags and one shorter puree bag) , I think I'll be equipped food-wise to stay at work longer. I practiced eating two meals with it on Sat., and feel fairly confident that b/c the increased rate at which I can pump my food into my mouth w/ these things, I could possibly get more into my stomach before the gag reflexes hit, resulting in more consumption per attempt.
But the real reason why I didn't shut my computer off and go to bed was b/c I yawned (and I just read an msnbc article on yawning which told me nothing definitive about why we yawn...just new findings to buttress the fact that we don't know why we yawn), and DROOLED. Lots. Into my keyboard. I'm now afraid that the amount of saliva that has seeped into the space between the spacebare and the edge of the computer will be the death of this dear old laptop. Yikes. Already things are a malfunction i ng. I amgoing to CRY. `m,
At leastt the mouse is working. :(
But the space bar, backspace and enter are havingi`y] issues. And making weird noises. :( And randomly pulling up STrange commands like the all-caps and search tools.
`m
`m
The good news was that I learned how to get pictures off the cell phone and now have the pre surgery pics and the single post-op ICU picture saved on this here defective computer.
I am really sad about this tragedy. I wrote so many papers and random things on this device. Goodnight. The pasting of spaces between each word using the ctrl + v instead of the spacebar has become too hard.
With my newly acquired Zip n Squeeze bags (4 extra-long puree bags and one shorter puree bag) , I think I'll be equipped food-wise to stay at work longer. I practiced eating two meals with it on Sat., and feel fairly confident that b/c the increased rate at which I can pump my food into my mouth w/ these things, I could possibly get more into my stomach before the gag reflexes hit, resulting in more consumption per attempt.
But the real reason why I didn't shut my computer off and go to bed was b/c I yawned (and I just read an msnbc article on yawning which told me nothing definitive about why we yawn...just new findings to buttress the fact that we don't know why we yawn), and DROOLED. Lots. Into my keyboard. I'm now afraid that the amount of saliva that has seeped into the space between the spacebare and the edge of the computer will be the death of this dear old laptop. Yikes. Already things are a malfunction i ng. I amgoing to CRY. `m,
At leastt the mouse is working. :(
But the space bar, backspace and enter are havingi`y] issues. And making weird noises. :( And randomly pulling up STrange commands like the all-caps and search tools.
`m
The good news was that I learned how to get pictures off the cell phone and now have the pre surgery pics and the single post-op ICU picture saved on this here defective computer.
I am really sad about this tragedy. I wrote so many papers and random things on this device. Goodnight. The pasting of spaces between each word using the ctrl + v instead of the spacebar has become too hard.
Friday, May 9, 2008
full days at work?
uh...I thought I was on my way. Until today.
I got in later than usual, not that I think anyone's checking right now, but still past 11 am when I had a noon meeting wasn't the best. The meeting was about improving the paralegal program in our practice group, one of the younger partners finally got fed up w/ what's not in place and ordered lunch for us to come in and tell her what we think should happen. I got excited, but couldn't eat.
They keep on thinking that it upsets me to watch other ppl eat, and they ask me about it. It doesn't really, b/c I know it won't taste the same to me. I know this b/c I tried sucking on small pieces of food that could only be chewed in the first few weeks and they weren't that good...I think maybe the meds were doing something to my taste buds. But b/c I don't feel anything on my upper teeth and roof of mouth, I also don't get the full range of sensory fulfillment that chewing food is supposed to give. I miss real food, but I don't mind that others are eating and I'm not. I'm not going to begrudge other ppl's ability/need to eat b/c I can't...yet. That's ridiculous and childish. Besides, I had my milk-and-powdered grains shake I could "eat."
But anyways, I got excited about the initiative she took to improving the program, esp. for ppl who had paralegal certificates and might be career paralegals, and who were considering moving to a different firm that have more structured programs and allows them mobility and better pay. This was my first job out of college, the location (city where my OS and OD and family are) was convenient and it was the experience I wanted to confirm my desire to go to law school. I knew the pay was crap compared to what I could be making somewhere else doing something else, but $ wasn't a concern. I don't know when I'll be able to say that again, esp. after I get the rest of the bills from this surgery.
But, to go on about not-so-full days at work. The meeting was about 2 hours vs. the 1 hour we thought it was going to be. We all got excited about the prospects, even knowing that I'll be gone by fall. And by the end I had a headache...that grew...into my mouth and cheek bones. So I couldn't stand it after 3:20 and called my mom to see if she can arrange for a pick up from the train station for me and I left. And I beat the rush hour crowds, which still scare me. But I was ill...I did the warm compress on my cheeks and jaw and my head for several hours and slept for some of that time. The headache lingers yet.
So, in conclusion, the full days of work will have to wait. I hope my boss(es) understand(s). I thought the increase in energy meant something, but I guess the socked-in-the-face feeling is back. Yuck.
Oh, and maybe a couple nights ago, I needed a teaspoon of the remaining tylenol w/ codeine to sleep...it wasn't good. I was so tired and "late" to work. I hate being the delinquent/weakling of the office bunch, I appreciate ppl's understanding but I want to be able to handle my share too.
No more stitches falling apart in my mouth, but they sure were pulling this afternoon when my face swelled a little more w/ the pain.
I got in later than usual, not that I think anyone's checking right now, but still past 11 am when I had a noon meeting wasn't the best. The meeting was about improving the paralegal program in our practice group, one of the younger partners finally got fed up w/ what's not in place and ordered lunch for us to come in and tell her what we think should happen. I got excited, but couldn't eat.
They keep on thinking that it upsets me to watch other ppl eat, and they ask me about it. It doesn't really, b/c I know it won't taste the same to me. I know this b/c I tried sucking on small pieces of food that could only be chewed in the first few weeks and they weren't that good...I think maybe the meds were doing something to my taste buds. But b/c I don't feel anything on my upper teeth and roof of mouth, I also don't get the full range of sensory fulfillment that chewing food is supposed to give. I miss real food, but I don't mind that others are eating and I'm not. I'm not going to begrudge other ppl's ability/need to eat b/c I can't...yet. That's ridiculous and childish. Besides, I had my milk-and-powdered grains shake I could "eat."
But anyways, I got excited about the initiative she took to improving the program, esp. for ppl who had paralegal certificates and might be career paralegals, and who were considering moving to a different firm that have more structured programs and allows them mobility and better pay. This was my first job out of college, the location (city where my OS and OD and family are) was convenient and it was the experience I wanted to confirm my desire to go to law school. I knew the pay was crap compared to what I could be making somewhere else doing something else, but $ wasn't a concern. I don't know when I'll be able to say that again, esp. after I get the rest of the bills from this surgery.
But, to go on about not-so-full days at work. The meeting was about 2 hours vs. the 1 hour we thought it was going to be. We all got excited about the prospects, even knowing that I'll be gone by fall. And by the end I had a headache...that grew...into my mouth and cheek bones. So I couldn't stand it after 3:20 and called my mom to see if she can arrange for a pick up from the train station for me and I left. And I beat the rush hour crowds, which still scare me. But I was ill...I did the warm compress on my cheeks and jaw and my head for several hours and slept for some of that time. The headache lingers yet.
So, in conclusion, the full days of work will have to wait. I hope my boss(es) understand(s). I thought the increase in energy meant something, but I guess the socked-in-the-face feeling is back. Yuck.
Oh, and maybe a couple nights ago, I needed a teaspoon of the remaining tylenol w/ codeine to sleep...it wasn't good. I was so tired and "late" to work. I hate being the delinquent/weakling of the office bunch, I appreciate ppl's understanding but I want to be able to handle my share too.
No more stitches falling apart in my mouth, but they sure were pulling this afternoon when my face swelled a little more w/ the pain.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
hanging threads
Thought I'd report...on my ride to work this morning, I noticed a hanging thread inside my mouth. Just to the right of the corner of my mouth, just beyond the elastics...my doctor mentioned that my stitches were "coming apart" on Monday...I thought they'd just fall out in knots like the other ones did, not literally unravel and hang from the rafters. Sheesh.
But I can't feel it now, and I'm sitting at work...so maybe I swallowed it w/ my milk and powdered grains meal...
Oh, and something great I kinda rediscovered while walking through Costco w/ my brother on Monday: La Vache Qui Rit, aka The Laughing Cow soft cheese triangles!
I ate a triangle with a plastic knife today at my desk. Nice, eh? I cut it into thin slivers and slipped the knife into my mouth, and wiped the cheese off on my tongue. It was so good. I know, it's supposed to be used as a spread or what not, but I can't eat bread or crackers yet.
The other day, I didn't have yogurt with me but found some whipped cream cheese so I added a table spoon of that to my mashed bananas...it was different. I don't know if I'll do it again, but it wasn't so horrendous. A gal's gotta do what she gotta do for food.
I asked to purchase a 4-pack of the larger pureed food Zip n Squeeze bags from someone I found on the Yahoo Support Group. I can't wait! It's like the adult orthognatic version of the cool new lunch box.
I mean, I can now bring more than Ensure to work! I might be well on my way to doing full days at work. :)
I hope he gets my e-mail soon and sends it soon so I get it this week....ooooh....Zip n Squeeze.
But I can't feel it now, and I'm sitting at work...so maybe I swallowed it w/ my milk and powdered grains meal...
Oh, and something great I kinda rediscovered while walking through Costco w/ my brother on Monday: La Vache Qui Rit, aka The Laughing Cow soft cheese triangles!
I ate a triangle with a plastic knife today at my desk. Nice, eh? I cut it into thin slivers and slipped the knife into my mouth, and wiped the cheese off on my tongue. It was so good. I know, it's supposed to be used as a spread or what not, but I can't eat bread or crackers yet.
The other day, I didn't have yogurt with me but found some whipped cream cheese so I added a table spoon of that to my mashed bananas...it was different. I don't know if I'll do it again, but it wasn't so horrendous. A gal's gotta do what she gotta do for food.
I asked to purchase a 4-pack of the larger pureed food Zip n Squeeze bags from someone I found on the Yahoo Support Group. I can't wait! It's like the adult orthognatic version of the cool new lunch box.
I mean, I can now bring more than Ensure to work! I might be well on my way to doing full days at work. :)
I hope he gets my e-mail soon and sends it soon so I get it this week....ooooh....Zip n Squeeze.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Look at April 29th's post for today's thoughts and reports
I posted those rough copies of my x-rays today, but it posted under the entry I started on April 29th. I'll add the pictures here at the bottom, but please scroll down to read the descriptions I added.
I'm still on a puree diet for a while so it seems like I'll need a few Zip n Squeezes. I'm going to buy some surplus from a guy from the yahoo orthognatic surgery support group. He's in colorado, so they won't be travelling from Cali.
Here are the pictures, go read the caption-paragraphs below the my One Month Anniversary Post. Good night.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
One Month!
I should've taken pictures...but not much difference from the past week. In fact, I looked more swollen this morning and I'm becoming more squirrely about my meds b/c I joined Yahoo's Orthognatic Surgery Support Group yesterday...
...and I asked about little red bumps (that I thought were tiny pimples at first) around my mouth and nose...and happened to mention that I started taking Doxycycline (hycate). And I got a reply from someone else who's having surgery in Sept. that includes the three procedures originally planned for me--LeFort 1, BSSO and Genio--told me that s/he's been taking it since Nov. and her doctor prescribes it to all his patients who has TMJ b/c even though it's an antibiotic, it stabilizes the joint. Well, she also told me that she's developed throat ulcers b/c of them b/c they can be harsh on the stomach and throat and must be taken w/ a full glass of water to make sure it doesn't stay in the throat and irritate it. Also, that taking calcium supplements or dairy w/in 2 hours of it hinders absorption. And that I shouldn't lie down for 30 minutes after taking it b/c nausea can get bad...and s/he was right. I've had stomach aches and severe nausea after taking it, and the capsule has stuck to my throat.
So I did some reading up on Doxycycline...and it's pretty strong, used for inhalation of Anthrax and malaria (and its prevention or travel under 4 months) and diseases like Syphilis and other STDs, Typhus and Lyme disease, and some bad, bad, bad strains of amoebic infections including fatally severe dysentery. And reading that reminded me of one of the worst bouts of dysentery I had, my senior year in high school.
I think I was out of school for at least a week, dying and running to the bathroom like every 20 minutes and was really weak and very dangerously dehydrated. I believe my mother was there at the time, but the lady who stayed w/ me during the week before my mom got to Kenya was a nurse and she ran to the pharmacy and got me an antibiotic. I took it, but noticed it was really strong and in my weakened state the smell of the pills was offensive. I don't know if it was the first time I took that pill, but it was maybe after the first or second dose, w/in 10 minutes of taking it, I had to go again and I could smell the antibiotic in the clear-liquid diarrhoea. I wasn't keeping anything in my body at the moment and certainly wasn't trying solid food so I went several times an hour, but it was very clear liquids and not too much of it either. I took small sips of warm water or tea or broth my mom brought me.
The whole point of this story is, that I remember reading the envelope the pharmacist gave/prescribed me, and it was an unfamiliar antibiotic. Trust me, I used to be familiar with all the usual types and often would self-prescribe to myself and to my dogs, this was Kenya and no one in our family was dumb enough to misuse our stock of everyday penicillin, amoxicillin, ampicillin, tetracycline and even Cipro. We had large brown bottles of the more common ones for our personal use as well as for emergency use on people we knew who didn't have access to doctors or pharmacies. We usually had missionary nurses and doctors we could call up in a jiffy to ask about dosing and prescribing, or if it was really serious case, had them come and check the patient out. Going on with my story, I hadn't seen too much Doxycycline around, and I believe the pharmacist had given me Doxycycline for my severe dysentery back then...and I smelled it in my liquid poop, b/c whatever I swallowed would go straight through me before my body had a chance to take it in. So I remember being worried about whether I should be taking another dose b/c obviously the last one didn't stay long enough to do much good...but then the next dose was supposed to be after 3 or 4 hours.
So, Doxycycline, we meet again. But this time, I'm not actually drying and dying in bed, just suffering and having mechanical trouble eating. Last time, the mechanics of food consumption wasn't my problem, just the functionality of my digestive system was in lots of trouble. Last time I didn't have to worry about venturing out into the equatorial sun and my skin being too sensitive to the UV rays, I was shivering and sweating under a blanket. This time, the sun seems reluctant to visit these northern part, despite it being May already. But this time, I know my nausea and stomach aches aren't caused by some dysentery-causing bacterial infection, but the pills that are used to cure such illnesses and to stabilize my Temporo-Mandibular Joint.
Great, eh? At least I won't be getting malaria or amoebic dysentery while taking this.
And, another almost-mile stone.
To celebrate my first month anniversary of my orthognatic (which I read literally means, "straight jaws") surgery, I tried to do my own laundry! Well, my brother was in a helping mood, so he helped, but I still had to fold and didn't get to it and threw a hissy fit instead upon finding my rumpled clean clothes strewn on my bed. It's a pet peeve of mine, b/c the whole point about laboriously folding clothes is so that they won't be rumpled when you pull it out and wear it. Folding rumpled clothes is dumb...and to remedy the problem, I usually just toss it in the dryer again to fluff it, but I thinkI might spritz some of the cotton shirts to help w/ the over-night crumples.
I cleaned the upstairs bathroom a little too, just like the old days. I did the toilet, scrubbed the sink and wiped the floors with Lysol wipes. I even wiped down the top of the toilet, toilet seat and tub ledge, but I didn't attempt the tub. My head didn't feel like it could handle leaning over and scrubbing after the other activities.
Excersize, or movement for the sake of excersize was attempted. I did some demi-plies in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th positions. I also added some temps lies in 4th and did some tendus in parallel en croix and threw in some passes (properly known as retire). No ports des bras, just arms a kimbo not to complicate things...and just arms in second for the tendus in parallel.
I also went "shopping" with my brother, to Costco to pick up stuff we need...food. And I bought mushrooms and bananas and organic chicken stock for me. We also got more fresh strawberries which prompted me to puree the ones macerating into a wine in the fridge. Picked up 3 types of juices, one for making jello...which wasn't sweet enough w/out the extra honey or sugar...and some cottage-cheese cups version of Activia, but by Breakstone and Skinny Cow eskimo pies. Yum. I ate half of one of the chocolate ice-cream ones...the cookie part is actually soft enough to melt in your mouth! And Josh got nuts and gum.
I also cooked!!! I made some creamy mushroom soup:
Peel about 7 baby bella mushrooms and 1 small-medium onion. I run my mushrooms under the faucet...I tried to just wipe them, but these were so dirty I just did my usual peel-and-rinse, and rinsed the onion too. I sliced the mushrooms and half of the onion, wrapped the other half in plastic wrap for the fridge. I sauteed the mushrooms and onion in 1/2 a stick of butter in the soup pot. I know, it's alot, but the veggies sucked up most of it! I'm trying to eat calorie-rich foods, so I did the butter over-load, like Paula Deen! I then scooped out the mushrooms and onions and dumped them into a mixer cup (bullet-type blender) w/ about 1/2 cup of milk, and let 'er rip. I did it a few times to get it to a puree while I made the roux out of what little fat was left in the pot, which I did by sprinkling 2 moderate fork-fulls of flour into the oil and stirring it w/ my spatula-stirer. I guess one large forkful of flour will do as well. When I thought the roux was done-ish, I poured just a little organic chicken stock and brought it to a boil while I whisked the roux into it. Then I added my mushroom and onion puree, brought that to a boil and added more chicken stock. I then remembered that I meant to add garlic to my veggie mixture, and found a garlic pepper powder to season the soup, and then got creative and added a few dashes of paprika powder and some fresh-ground sea salt and fresh-ground pepper to taste. I used a total of 3 cups of organic chicken stock in my soup and boiled everything.
I found the soup a little spicy which I think might be b/c the onions might not have been fully cooked. But my mom didn't think it was spicy. Maybe my mouth is just super-sensitive. I meant to add the half of avocado I had in the fridge, but I think that might make the soup too green...maybe I will anyways tomorrow.
Yesterday, for the first time since the surgery, I took pictures of my meal. I had pureed a can of Chicken Noodle Soup, and it turned out an orangey-yellow color b/c of the carrots. I stuck half of it in the fridge and added about a quarter of a slice of provolone cheese, crumbled/broken into tiny bits and pureed that. While I microwaved that, I pureed three small clumps of yu choy (I think it's also called chinese broccoli?) with a little dash of milk. The greens didn't puree so well, but I tried hard and scraped it into the middle of my deep yellow/light orange soup and it looked pretty! It also tasted pretty good.
I read and heard from my cousin that pizza can be pureed...I don't know if I'm that desperate yet, but my family had Chicago deep dish from Lou Malnati's today and I took small scoops of soggy crust, some melted cheese and tomato sauce and ended up swallowing them b/c I wasn't able to break it down in my mouth.
I think that's it. A couple nights ago my mom asked how long it's been since the surgery and I told her it'll be a month this Sat, today, and she was surprised. Tonight she noted that I'm doing much better. Which is so true. I even cleaned the bathroom and went shopping and cooked a new soup for myself! I mean, I don't cook much b/c I hate the clean up and planning/prepping, but it was hard! Given, I took some breaks and a nap. I'm hungry again...whoa, it's 2 am and no longer May 3rd...so good night!
...and I asked about little red bumps (that I thought were tiny pimples at first) around my mouth and nose...and happened to mention that I started taking Doxycycline (hycate). And I got a reply from someone else who's having surgery in Sept. that includes the three procedures originally planned for me--LeFort 1, BSSO and Genio--told me that s/he's been taking it since Nov. and her doctor prescribes it to all his patients who has TMJ b/c even though it's an antibiotic, it stabilizes the joint. Well, she also told me that she's developed throat ulcers b/c of them b/c they can be harsh on the stomach and throat and must be taken w/ a full glass of water to make sure it doesn't stay in the throat and irritate it. Also, that taking calcium supplements or dairy w/in 2 hours of it hinders absorption. And that I shouldn't lie down for 30 minutes after taking it b/c nausea can get bad...and s/he was right. I've had stomach aches and severe nausea after taking it, and the capsule has stuck to my throat.
So I did some reading up on Doxycycline...and it's pretty strong, used for inhalation of Anthrax and malaria (and its prevention or travel under 4 months) and diseases like Syphilis and other STDs, Typhus and Lyme disease, and some bad, bad, bad strains of amoebic infections including fatally severe dysentery. And reading that reminded me of one of the worst bouts of dysentery I had, my senior year in high school.
I think I was out of school for at least a week, dying and running to the bathroom like every 20 minutes and was really weak and very dangerously dehydrated. I believe my mother was there at the time, but the lady who stayed w/ me during the week before my mom got to Kenya was a nurse and she ran to the pharmacy and got me an antibiotic. I took it, but noticed it was really strong and in my weakened state the smell of the pills was offensive. I don't know if it was the first time I took that pill, but it was maybe after the first or second dose, w/in 10 minutes of taking it, I had to go again and I could smell the antibiotic in the clear-liquid diarrhoea. I wasn't keeping anything in my body at the moment and certainly wasn't trying solid food so I went several times an hour, but it was very clear liquids and not too much of it either. I took small sips of warm water or tea or broth my mom brought me.
The whole point of this story is, that I remember reading the envelope the pharmacist gave/prescribed me, and it was an unfamiliar antibiotic. Trust me, I used to be familiar with all the usual types and often would self-prescribe to myself and to my dogs, this was Kenya and no one in our family was dumb enough to misuse our stock of everyday penicillin, amoxicillin, ampicillin, tetracycline and even Cipro. We had large brown bottles of the more common ones for our personal use as well as for emergency use on people we knew who didn't have access to doctors or pharmacies. We usually had missionary nurses and doctors we could call up in a jiffy to ask about dosing and prescribing, or if it was really serious case, had them come and check the patient out. Going on with my story, I hadn't seen too much Doxycycline around, and I believe the pharmacist had given me Doxycycline for my severe dysentery back then...and I smelled it in my liquid poop, b/c whatever I swallowed would go straight through me before my body had a chance to take it in. So I remember being worried about whether I should be taking another dose b/c obviously the last one didn't stay long enough to do much good...but then the next dose was supposed to be after 3 or 4 hours.
So, Doxycycline, we meet again. But this time, I'm not actually drying and dying in bed, just suffering and having mechanical trouble eating. Last time, the mechanics of food consumption wasn't my problem, just the functionality of my digestive system was in lots of trouble. Last time I didn't have to worry about venturing out into the equatorial sun and my skin being too sensitive to the UV rays, I was shivering and sweating under a blanket. This time, the sun seems reluctant to visit these northern part, despite it being May already. But this time, I know my nausea and stomach aches aren't caused by some dysentery-causing bacterial infection, but the pills that are used to cure such illnesses and to stabilize my Temporo-Mandibular Joint.
Great, eh? At least I won't be getting malaria or amoebic dysentery while taking this.
And, another almost-mile stone.
To celebrate my first month anniversary of my orthognatic (which I read literally means, "straight jaws") surgery, I tried to do my own laundry! Well, my brother was in a helping mood, so he helped, but I still had to fold and didn't get to it and threw a hissy fit instead upon finding my rumpled clean clothes strewn on my bed. It's a pet peeve of mine, b/c the whole point about laboriously folding clothes is so that they won't be rumpled when you pull it out and wear it. Folding rumpled clothes is dumb...and to remedy the problem, I usually just toss it in the dryer again to fluff it, but I thinkI might spritz some of the cotton shirts to help w/ the over-night crumples.
I cleaned the upstairs bathroom a little too, just like the old days. I did the toilet, scrubbed the sink and wiped the floors with Lysol wipes. I even wiped down the top of the toilet, toilet seat and tub ledge, but I didn't attempt the tub. My head didn't feel like it could handle leaning over and scrubbing after the other activities.
Excersize, or movement for the sake of excersize was attempted. I did some demi-plies in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th positions. I also added some temps lies in 4th and did some tendus in parallel en croix and threw in some passes (properly known as retire). No ports des bras, just arms a kimbo not to complicate things...and just arms in second for the tendus in parallel.
I also went "shopping" with my brother, to Costco to pick up stuff we need...food. And I bought mushrooms and bananas and organic chicken stock for me. We also got more fresh strawberries which prompted me to puree the ones macerating into a wine in the fridge. Picked up 3 types of juices, one for making jello...which wasn't sweet enough w/out the extra honey or sugar...and some cottage-cheese cups version of Activia, but by Breakstone and Skinny Cow eskimo pies. Yum. I ate half of one of the chocolate ice-cream ones...the cookie part is actually soft enough to melt in your mouth! And Josh got nuts and gum.
I also cooked!!! I made some creamy mushroom soup:
Peel about 7 baby bella mushrooms and 1 small-medium onion. I run my mushrooms under the faucet...I tried to just wipe them, but these were so dirty I just did my usual peel-and-rinse, and rinsed the onion too. I sliced the mushrooms and half of the onion, wrapped the other half in plastic wrap for the fridge. I sauteed the mushrooms and onion in 1/2 a stick of butter in the soup pot. I know, it's alot, but the veggies sucked up most of it! I'm trying to eat calorie-rich foods, so I did the butter over-load, like Paula Deen! I then scooped out the mushrooms and onions and dumped them into a mixer cup (bullet-type blender) w/ about 1/2 cup of milk, and let 'er rip. I did it a few times to get it to a puree while I made the roux out of what little fat was left in the pot, which I did by sprinkling 2 moderate fork-fulls of flour into the oil and stirring it w/ my spatula-stirer. I guess one large forkful of flour will do as well. When I thought the roux was done-ish, I poured just a little organic chicken stock and brought it to a boil while I whisked the roux into it. Then I added my mushroom and onion puree, brought that to a boil and added more chicken stock. I then remembered that I meant to add garlic to my veggie mixture, and found a garlic pepper powder to season the soup, and then got creative and added a few dashes of paprika powder and some fresh-ground sea salt and fresh-ground pepper to taste. I used a total of 3 cups of organic chicken stock in my soup and boiled everything.
I found the soup a little spicy which I think might be b/c the onions might not have been fully cooked. But my mom didn't think it was spicy. Maybe my mouth is just super-sensitive. I meant to add the half of avocado I had in the fridge, but I think that might make the soup too green...maybe I will anyways tomorrow.
Yesterday, for the first time since the surgery, I took pictures of my meal. I had pureed a can of Chicken Noodle Soup, and it turned out an orangey-yellow color b/c of the carrots. I stuck half of it in the fridge and added about a quarter of a slice of provolone cheese, crumbled/broken into tiny bits and pureed that. While I microwaved that, I pureed three small clumps of yu choy (I think it's also called chinese broccoli?) with a little dash of milk. The greens didn't puree so well, but I tried hard and scraped it into the middle of my deep yellow/light orange soup and it looked pretty! It also tasted pretty good.
I read and heard from my cousin that pizza can be pureed...I don't know if I'm that desperate yet, but my family had Chicago deep dish from Lou Malnati's today and I took small scoops of soggy crust, some melted cheese and tomato sauce and ended up swallowing them b/c I wasn't able to break it down in my mouth.
I think that's it. A couple nights ago my mom asked how long it's been since the surgery and I told her it'll be a month this Sat, today, and she was surprised. Tonight she noted that I'm doing much better. Which is so true. I even cleaned the bathroom and went shopping and cooked a new soup for myself! I mean, I don't cook much b/c I hate the clean up and planning/prepping, but it was hard! Given, I took some breaks and a nap. I'm hungry again...whoa, it's 2 am and no longer May 3rd...so good night!
Friday, May 2, 2008
I joined the Yahoo support group for Othognatic Surgery. And I realized a few things...again. Insurance is a b*tch.
I had really bad TMJ diagnosed when I was 11 yrs old, and had joint surgery when I was 14, and so my mandible was the size of a child's (I still don't have definition in my jaw line b/c the bones are so small) and the rest of my head & face grew to an adult size. None of my upper teeth touched my lower teeth, so all of my adult teeth were so sharp my orthodontist had to grind them down to prep for surgery.
I never bit into a sandwich as an adult w/out everything hanging out of my mouth b/c I couldn't cut food, I never chewed my food properly and put stress on my stomach. My lower jaw was so small my profile look bird-like (my nose looked like a beak), I often dribbled soup down my chin b/c I couldn't catch it w/ my lip, same with cookie crumbs. I took to only choosing food I could pre-cut. It prevented me from eating in front of people who I wasn't really good friends with. It had a negative effect on me as a young adult in the "real world" where impressions do matter w/ your bosses/peers.
And Cigna had the gall to say my surgery wasn't medically necessary, when I know they thought breast implants and reductions were. Is it more important for someone to eat properly for the rest of their lives, or had the right breast size? Is it more important for a person to be able to have crucial business lunch meetings with their bosses and peers or be admired for the shape of their hooters?...They caused me so many headaches, so much frustrations and even made me cry a few times (and I'm not a big tears person). I thought insurance was supposed to help us when we needed medical care, not add on stress and depression. So I hate Cigna, I don't know what other insurance companies are denying important operations, but I know Cigna sucks.
I had really bad TMJ diagnosed when I was 11 yrs old, and had joint surgery when I was 14, and so my mandible was the size of a child's (I still don't have definition in my jaw line b/c the bones are so small) and the rest of my head & face grew to an adult size. None of my upper teeth touched my lower teeth, so all of my adult teeth were so sharp my orthodontist had to grind them down to prep for surgery.
I never bit into a sandwich as an adult w/out everything hanging out of my mouth b/c I couldn't cut food, I never chewed my food properly and put stress on my stomach. My lower jaw was so small my profile look bird-like (my nose looked like a beak), I often dribbled soup down my chin b/c I couldn't catch it w/ my lip, same with cookie crumbs. I took to only choosing food I could pre-cut. It prevented me from eating in front of people who I wasn't really good friends with. It had a negative effect on me as a young adult in the "real world" where impressions do matter w/ your bosses/peers.
And Cigna had the gall to say my surgery wasn't medically necessary, when I know they thought breast implants and reductions were. Is it more important for someone to eat properly for the rest of their lives, or had the right breast size? Is it more important for a person to be able to have crucial business lunch meetings with their bosses and peers or be admired for the shape of their hooters?...They caused me so many headaches, so much frustrations and even made me cry a few times (and I'm not a big tears person). I thought insurance was supposed to help us when we needed medical care, not add on stress and depression. So I hate Cigna, I don't know what other insurance companies are denying important operations, but I know Cigna sucks.
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