Monday, September 2, 2013

Longest 2 Months of my Life

It's been the longest two months of my life.  Three if you count June.

I had other strange Korean things list, but I'll do that later.  It's 3:15 am here in Seoul, fyi.  I'm still at work, fyi.  And I wish with all my might that I was back in the US, whatever job I'd have at this point.  Probably the same ADA position in Savannah, trying to get back to Atl, maybe weaseling my way into a Solicitor General's Office in the Atl metro area.

I signed a 24 month contract, and I've completed 2 of those 24 months.  But I feel like it should be more than that.  I am so tired.  I am so lonely and often heartbroken.  And as he inches away, the chasm in my heart grows.  I kept telling myself that I need to wait it out, give it a fair chance, but I keep wondering, still, if I've made a prudent choice.  Did I allow myself to be wooed by the siren call of a biglaw job, the title of an "international" lawyer?  Perhaps.  Is 2 months long enough, fair enough for me to judge the situation?  Or need I wait a few more months before I make up my mind?

I've accepted long ago that I'll never have a true home on this earth.  Since then, more recently, I've longed for a home of a different kind, something, someone, to anchor me to a location, to give me a reason to stay instead of flitting away to the next destination.  I'm just so tired, and I think if my heart had a home, it won't be so bad that my body doesn't have a home.

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