It's like 3 days before the bar, more like 2 b/c it's past midnight and I should be in bed working on getting up at 5 am.

I don't know what the dress code for the IL bar is, but I heard a few years ago they confiscated flip-flops. I wouldn't mind taking the bar sans shoes, but then again, I would prefer to have something covering my little piggies b/c they tend to get cold in air conditioning. I was planning on wearing sweats and like a tank top w/ a long-sleeved shirt and a jacket, b/c I get cold in air-conditioning.

If anyone has a pill that contains like a temporary log of all the topics tested on the IL bar, please forward to me....and tell me how long it lasts and when it kicks in so I take it at the right time.

Oh, and adventures in puppy land took me to giving my puppy a butt-bath at 4:30 am one morning/night after I decided to quit learning bar stuff. He had stolen a croissant from my parents and managed to consume 1/3 of the gigantic ball of butter and flour. He did not get puppy dinner, but had a slightly wet movement in the wee hours that made him uncomfortable and stinky...and gave me a dot of wet poop on my arm when I picked him up. Is this like motherhood?

open letter to retailers and other e-marketers

Dear Amazon, LinkedIn, Facebook, Gilt, Shoebuy, Ticketmaster, Ebay, AA/Delta/United/airline mileages/clubs, Sephora, Lush, Habitat for Humanity, MyHabit, Akira, whoever you think you are who keeps on sending me promotional e-mails,

I'd like to inform you that you are just plain annoying right now. Please STOP.

1. you are normally pretty annoying on an average day/era, but I have the capacity to tolerate you, and occasionally indulge myself in wasting time looking at your e-mail at things I cannot afford.

2. right now really is not the time to be trying to lure me with vacations I can't take, things I can't purchase, new products I have ZERO interest in. You see, I'm sitting here trying to cram my flimsy hoax of a brain with all this lofty legal shizzazzz, and dealing w/ the other stresses of living a life and dealing w/ generational passage and other more profound facts of life. Life, Death, prospects of marriage, or lack thereof, etc. Your e-mails are doubly annoying, actually make that triple or quadruple. You don't need my approval for just raising the exponent on that annoyance factor. I authorize you, expressly, for that specific thing.

It's difficult trying to keep abreast of the relevant news, and your cluttering of my e-mail box so that I have to sort through, delete en masse, and finally discover messages to me from my bar examiners or from the bar prep folks are just too much for me to handle right now. Also, there is the danger that I might be deleting some very important e-mails from the two named parties that I am interested in receiving news from these days.

Because I've said my piece, nicely and politely and b/c I don't have time to banter about the nuances and the fringe-bits of these topics, I will sign off.

I do wish you'd all just ram your self-marketing heads into a concrete wall and call it a day b/c even after this period of anxiety and intrinsic and extrinsic torment ends, I would rather not see you on a daily basis.

Good bye, perhaps forever?

broke down again today

briefly.

So the update on my grandmother is that she is inoperable. the cancer is in its last stages and the doctors gave her 18 months to live w/ chemotherapy or 6-9 months w/out. SO NOT FAIR! she is, however, miraculously, pain-free, which is very, very uncommon. So we're praying she stays pain-free and that we can keep her standard of living high. If anyone sees this, please pray for her as well.
She needs regular/occasional blood transfusions b/c the cancer, which sits on a HUGE ulcer site, has ruptured and is bleeding constantly. She is mostly bed-bound b/c she lacks the energy to do much else. Soonee, the 4 yr old pomeranian doggie keeps her company w/ her quiet, gentle presence. And Cody, the puppy she bore, is now at my house, behind a puppy gate while I study, but he is being sent to a new home for 2.5 weeks until I'm done w/ the bar. He is adorable and cute and so confused, but circumstances kinda suck overall. I feel bad for him.
She lost 50 lbs in the past 2 years to an appalling 80 lbs. Way too skinny even for a small, tiny, short woman under 5 ft. The though of skin and bones on her just makes me weep.
The other thing that makes me wonder how she is handling it all, so silently, is that her mind is a clear as a bell. I thought she was loosing some clarity, but not so. She is fully aware of what is happening, no sign of dementia. Thus, even more tragedy in having to face her illness, her invalidity with her hyper-sensitive sense of guilt and burdening. My cousin is tending to her every behest, cooking whatever my grandmother asks for every day. I guess finally she is being pampered in her last days.
I sincerely hope these aren't her last days at all. I truly believed she would live until 92. She has to, and she has to live comfortably, free from stress. I want her to be well....I should've invited her to come live with me in Atlanta. I just didn't think I could spend that much time w/ her and care for her while I was in law school. Now I regret not going through w/ that idea.

but that's what's going on w/ my lovely grandmother. Here's her and Soonee, after she got back from the hospital.

On the bar front, I'm 18 days away from the bar, failing every subject miserably. Ready to get down with it, if not for the distractions and my own adhd mind.

that is all i have to say about that.

to take puppy to his bath while i study criminal law at the grooming center.